


The Despair of Sunsets and the Longing of Sunrises

by anarchycox



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Ladyhawke Fusion, BAMF Roxy Morton, Love Letters, M/M, Magic Curses, Medieval Fantasy, Revenge, Secrets, True Love, fighting tooth and nail for happy ever after, jealousy leads to evil deeds against our main couple, more backstory than the movie, roxy morton centric, roxy morton's pov, secret romance, switched the bad guy from a bishop to a duke, sword fights, you don't have to have seen the movie to enjoy the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-05-29 06:52:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15067565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Roxane Morton's only life goal was to join the elite group that was the Duke's guards. During her training though, the Duke and his Captain of the Guard swore she was a spy and threw her in the dungeon to await trial and death. There she learned that the previous Captain of the Guard might be alive, not killed in battle like they were told. She manages to escape figuring he is her only chance to prove her innocence. He was heroic and honourable, he was Captain Merlin - children were told stories of him.Only she finds an angry and tired man, who travels with a hawk, and disappears at night. And there is another man only a little older than her that sometimes appears in the night and is so sad and so beautiful.She just wanted to clear her name, she didn't want to fall into magic, and schemes, and lovers torn apart. She was a soldier, she didn't believe in camp fire tales.But it is hard to disbelieve, when you find yourself in one.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elrhiarhodan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elrhiarhodan/gifts).



> Ladyhawke has been one of my favourite movies ever since I was child. It always seemed the height of romance and every fandom I've been in, I've known a couple that I thought would fit. And a dear friend asked if I would actually write it.  
> And here we are.  
> I am changing a good bit, location to England, and switching the villain from religious to political. I also want to flesh out the background of the romance, because I am a sucker for high romance in a medieval esque setting.

It was cold and smelled like shit. The advantage was with only a few candles burning you couldn’t see the shit, or the other prisoners. You could hear them though. Screaming. In rage, in pain, in despair. You could also smell the blood and the death. She knew it was coming for her. She hadn’t bothered to try to keep time in the dungeons. Her body had forced her to fall asleep half a dozen times since she had been put in this cell, so she guessed it was about that many days. There was gruel once a day, it did not sustain you. Two days ago her cell mate had been taken away. No one had come back. She wondered if her uncles missed her. If they were petitioning her release.

But Chester, the Duke of Ross, said she was a spy, caught in the act by his loyal Captain of the Guard Charlie. They had ‘proof’ and Roxy was thrown in the dungeons to await her trial.

To awake her death was what that meant.

A guard was bringing around food, one she had been training with, “Digby, I didn’t commit treason,” she pleaded.

“I’m not supposed to talk to you, you are a sinful creature, who will seduce me into helping you escape,” he said.

“Just get word to my uncle, that I still live? Please,” she begged.

He held up the lantern he had a little more. “You don’t look good, Roxy. Not so high and mighty now,” he said. He put her gruel on the ground. “What’s that? You do that?” he asked and pointed at the wall.

“You mean the shit painting, no, Digby, I did not,” she said. It had been her cellmate who had been driven mad by the rack. He died on her third day there, they removed him on the fourth.

“No, the words, carved in there,” he said and moved closer. “Read them to me.”

Roxy hid her disdain, the royal guard is supposed to be the best and it was taking on people who could not recognize more letters than were in their name. She looked at the wall, at the words scratched into it. It would have had to have been with their nails, it would have been agony. “A few letters are lightly scratched in, move the light closer,” she said. Digby got too close and she stole his dagger and hid it up her sleeve. She stared intently at the wall. “It says,” she had to swallow, “It says _this houses our bodies but not our hearts, those stay free and together._ ”

“Well that is a waste,” he said.

“It is beautiful,” Roxy replied. “You are just too dull witted to know it.”

“Oops,” Digby said and kicked her gruel. “Floor isn’t too bad, you can lick some of that up.” He left the cell, whistling.

Roxy would not lick the floor, but she did lick at the few drops still left in the bowl, not that it would do anything for the hollow feeling in her belly. But she had the dagger, and at least she could end this on her terms, because she knew Chester King would ensure there was no chance for her. She looked at the blade and wondered if going to hell for eternity was worth escaping this dungeon for. She was scared of the torture to come, she admitted to herself.

“That message has a pair,” the person in the cell two away from her called out. “In this cell here.”

She looked over, “Tell it to me?” she asked.

“It says, _I greet death lovingly for he will return us to each other’s arms_.” The man cackled. “Tis funny, is it not?”

“How is that funny?” Roxy asked, offended for these unnamed people.

“Because they weren’t killed. They were given a whole new torture and set free,” he laughed some more. “They told the world they were dead and drove them to the border, to the wilds and bid them, have fun living in hell.” He laughed some more. “I know, I was there. And when we came home we all slowly vanished. I am the last and soon there will be none who had been on that journey, except for thems that be cursed.”

“Why do you tell me this?”

“Because I will not go to the maker with this sin on my tally, enough there as it is,” he said. “I watched two good men suffer just for falling in love. Captain Merlin deserved better.”

Roxy sat up, “Captain Merlin died in battle, with Lieutenant Hart,” she said. “During the attack on the eastern border. It ended the Kingsman guard. The others were absorbed back into the traditional ranks.” That is what happened to her uncles.

“Hart died yes,” he said. “But not the Captain. He lives, and the Duke wants no one to know it.”

“One of these messages is from Captain Merlin?” she whispered. Her uncles spoke of him with pride and awe, and grief still, five years later. She had met him twice, she thought, she remembered declaring to him that she would join the guard when she was of age. She had been so sure of herself. She wished she had listened to Alistair and become a scribe.

“The one you have, is his,” he said. “Lord forgive me what I did to them.”

“Captain Merlin,” she said and traced her fingers over the letters. If there was one person who could save her life, it would be him. He was a legend, the best the Duke’s guard had seen in a century, more. If she had him, perhaps people would listen to her. She looked around the cell and for the first time since she arrived tried to plot an escape. But to get through the cell door, she’d have to fight countless on her way out. It was futile.

She looked at the grate that covered the shit hole. Roxy set to prying it up with the dagger she had. The keep was built on the edge of the cliffs, and in a few places tunnels carried the waste to the sea, she just hoped that the dungeons were among them. Roxy pushed herself down into the hole. The smell was unbearable and the fit murderously tight, but she had spent years learning how to get through small spaces. She pushed down and down until her body just dropped. She twisted an ankle when she landed in the sewage and water in the carved out cave. She couldn’t quite stand but she crawled in the dark and prayed “Lord, I know we are not on the best terms, I have missed many a mass, but there was sword work to be learned, battles to prepare for in your name, grant me a chance and I will go to mass thrice a week.” She crawled and thought the air changed a little and there was enough room to walk hunched over.

And there was light. She stumbled and stumbled and landed on the rocks and in the sea. It was so loud that no one heard her scream of triumph. She had escaped, and she had to move before it was noticed she was gone.

***********************

“Charlie, I do think that Roxy will be ready to talk, bring her to me,” Chester said, sitting on his balcony, and drinking wine.

“Of course, your lordship,” he said and moved through the keep until he reached the dungeons. Digby had fallen asleep and he kicked him awake. “The Duke wants to have a talk with Roxy.”

“Right, sir, of course, sir,” Digby replied and grabbed the keys. They walked through the rows of cells and Digby stopped in front of Roxy’s. “Oi,” he called. He paused. “Roxy?” he said, not sure what he was seeing. Or what he wasn’t seeing.

“Digby,” Charlie’s tone was angry. “Where is her cell?”

“This one sir, only, there’s no Roxy. She were here a couple hours ago.” He opened the door and they both strode in. And there was no sign of here.

“Another guard moved her,” Charlie said.

“No, sir, wouldn’t have dared,” Digby replied.

“Where is she?” Charlie didn’t scream. A Captain of the Guard, didn’t scream. He maintained in control at all times.

“I…I don’t know,” Digby admitted.

“I do,” the man two down began to laugh. “I know everything,” he said. “I know more than you.”

“Where is she?” Charlie said.

“Gone!” he said and laughed some more.

Charlie gestured and Digby hurried over and pulled the man out of his cell. He pushed him in front of Charlie and held a knife to his throat.

“Where is she?” Charlie asked.

“I wouldn’t know where she is now, but I know how she got there,” he pointed to the cell. “She went down the drain.”

“No one could fit down that,” Charlie said.

“Built for men they were,” the man said. “She is tiny, tinier still by no food the last week. She went down the drain. I helped you m’lord, now help me.”

Digby slit the man’s throat.

“Ready a team, we need to get her back, and swiftly. She commit treason against the duke and an example will be made,” Charlie roared.

Digby ran to find guards and to retrieve horses.

Charlie stared at the drain. Impossible. It should have been impossible. He went over and kicked the grate and it moved and a little down there was a scrap of fabric. He would almost be impressed, if he wasn’t so furious.

But she was weak, she would be easy to capture. A day at most. And the Duke’s secrets would be safe. His secrets would be safe.


	2. Chapter 2

She had headed east for a bit when she escaped and was now moving north. Captain Merlin had been Scottish so heading north to the wilds was the only logical course of actions. Roxy had stolen clothes and a basket and hoped anyone seeing her would think it was a random peasant woman off to market. Any market. She had Digby’s dagger up her sleeve. A cart came by and gave her a lift for a little bit, to a village. She realized this was the farthest she had ever been in her life. Her uncles had never taken her to London, Ross was all she had ever known. It had been three days since she could smell the sea. She missed it.

“Here you go mi’lady,” the man said. “Right nice village we have here.”

“Thank you,” she said. She had tried to change her voice a little, to match the call of the servants, but her education shone through. She walked through the town, the sun was warm and she was hungry. It had been so long since she had a full belly. She spied a man well dressed and he was bartering with the smith. Roxy sent a mental prayer to the lord to forgive the actions that desperation created. She was small enough that she went unnoticed on the far side of the horse and rifled through a saddlebag and found a few pieces of silver. Roxy grabbed them and walked until the edge of town where there was a pub, and it even had some long tables set up outside.

It was busy at the tables a group of cloaked travelers taking up one and a half of the tables. She went to an empty one in the corner and a barmaid came up to her. Roxy ordered a beer and a meat pie, she knew better than to try the water in a place like this.

“Don’t recognize you none,” the barmaid said when she returned with the drink and food. “Passing through like that lot?”

“Indeed,” Roxy said. “I head north.”

“Cold to the north, even in summer,” she said.

“I am aware.” Roxy sipped the beer and nibbled on the meat pie, slowly, so as not to overwhelm the system. “But it is free.”

“No place is free,” one of the cloaked figured called out.

“Some are free than others, places I might be believed.”

“Now what does that mean?” another called out, and she almost recognized the voice.

“Ross is corrupt and serves a broken and cruel man,” she said. “I seek freedom from their tyranny. I did nothing wrong and was imprisoned there.”

“Clearly you were found innocent that you walk now,” another called and Roxy froze. That voice was even more familiar.

“No,” she said and she slid the dagger from her sleeve. “No, I escaped the dungeons.”

“No one escapes the dungeons of Ross,” the man said.

Roxy stood up and slowly moved backwards. “Not so hard when the current Captain of Ross is a weak, vain, and incompetent leader.”

Charlie threw his hood back. “You are under arrest for treason and escape from the dungeon. Come quietly and we will only add twenty lashes to your sentence.”

Roxy looked at her Uncle James who looked devastated. “I swear to you, I am guilty of no crime.”

“I believe you, darling,” he said. “But I can do nothing but make sure you arrive safely home.”

“Tell Uncle Percival I love him,” she said and ran but a few guards had sneaked behind her. She lashed out with the knife and slit Digby’s cheek and pushed him over and ran to jump up on a table and climbed onto the thatching that had shaded the area over the tables. Several guards were stabbing upwards with their swords trying to knock her off but she kept moving and jumped down, bringing her elbow down hard on the guard who tried to catch her as she fell. She saw her uncle trip a man running for her and smiled her thanks to him, but that distraction was enough for three others to catch her. They dragged her in front of Charlie and put her down on her knees.

“Well now, I like this,” he said. “You had so much pride, and look at you now, kneeling before me.”

“I would never willingly kneel to you,” she spat. “How did you get ahead of me, there are many roads out of Ross.”

“Duke King, is a clever and cunning man, he took the information he knew about you and calculated where you would flee.” Charlie sounded so smug.

Roxy looked up at him. “There are too many variables. I could have head to London, to seek the law. I could have headed south to reach the continent. North like I am. The only way to know the direction I chose would be witchcraft.” She watched Charlie as she said it and something in his face changed just a little. “Is the duke engaged in witchcraft?” she whispered. She remember as a child in there had a been a woman, a healer, who had been hung for being a witch. Uncle Percival had argued against it, but King allowed it. Two guards crossed themselves and Charlie backhanded her.

“You dare!” he roared. “The Duke is the smartest man in the kingdom and I suppose to a feeble woman like you, that could seem of witchcraft.”

“Give me a sword and face me, see how feeble I am,” she snarled.

Charlie smiled. “Very well,” he agreed. He gestured and they let her go. Roxy stood up and her uncle handed her a short sword. He looked broken and she hated that. He was supposed to laugh. Roxy took up formation and faced Charlie. She was an amazing fighter.

But she was over two weeks with little food, and one year of recruit training. Best in her class meant it took Charlie two minutes to have her disarmed and his blade resting against her throat. “Pathetic whelp,” Charlie sneered. “Under the authority of the Duke I will execute you now.”

James stepped forward. “She will be taken back to Ross for a fair trial,” he protested.

“There is no fair trial to be had for me, Uncle,” she said. “Just let it end now, I cannot return to be tortured, when I have done nothing wrong.”

“There is a chance,” he said.

“No, Uncle, there isn’t,” she said. She looked at Charlie. “Send me to my reward, and know when death comes for you, you will go to a far worse place for the crime you commit here today.”

Charlie smiled at her and flicked his wrist and Digby came over, cheek bleeding. He raised his sword high and when he went to strike an arrow pierced his wrist and he dropped the sword, screaming. Every eye turned and saw a hooded man on a horse with a crossbow. He dismounted and pulled out a heavy sword and stood there.

“Release the girl,” he called out and moved forward.

Charlie stood beside Rosy a hand gripping her hair tight where she had pulled it back. “Under whose authority? I am the captain of the guard where she commit her many crimes. And you shot one of my men and will be arrested as well.” Two guards moved forward and the man easily dispatched them.

James moved in front of Roxy, not on Charlie’s orders but to protect Roxy. And he thought he recognized the sword. “Show yourself,” James ordered.

The man moved a little closer and held his sword steady and removed his hood.

Several men in the company cursed and crossed themselves.

He looked older, more tired than Roxy remembered, but it had been years.

Charlie was very still. But his grip loosened on Roxy’s hair and she pulled it from his fingers.

James looked at the man.

“James, stand with me,” Merlin said softly.

James gave a nod. “My Captain,” he said formally.

Charlie glared at his back. “Captain?” he roared and he kicked James so that it pushed him right onto Merlin’s sword.

“NOOOO!” Roxy screamed and shoved into Charlie and started to punch him as Merlin fell to the ground and cradled his old friend.

“Get Roxy away,” James said and then passed on. Merlin began to fight the guards that surrounded him, clearing a path back to his horse. He grabbed the crossbow and shot the two men trying to drag Roxy off of Charlie. She was doing an impressive job of pummeling him, but would soon be murdered. Merlin mounted his horse and rode over and barely slowing down reached over and pulled her up and across his lap. He kicked the horse and they flew out of town her screaming the whole time about killing Charlie. He didn’t dare let go because she would slide off and go haring back to finish her attempted murder.

He rode them into dark woods where they could easily loose those that would follow. When he dismounted and took her with him she tried to run. “Look, think, how will you find your way back?”

Roxy glared up at him. “I would manage. I will see him dead for killing Uncle James.”

“He fell on my sword,” Merlin replied. He heard a noise and looked up. He whistled and waited and whistled again. A Hawk dove down through the trees and landed on his arm. “And where were ye while I was fighting, hmm?” he asked. He rubbed the full breast and laughed. “Busy eating a mouse while I was saving the damsel here?” The bird nipped at his finger and he laughed a little more.

“I am no damsel,” Roxy replied, angry. “I am…I was training to join the guard.”

Merlin looked at her. “Why were they going to kill you?”

“I do not know,” she said. “They declared me a spy, and imprisoned me. But I know not why.” She looked at him. “Why did you stop them?”

“Because if Charlie Heskith looks that happy to see someone dead, they should be kept alive,” Merlin replied. “We need to keep moving.” He looked at the bird. “Can ye fly, let us know if we are followed.” He was holding the hawk close to his face and she wanted to warn him, not to hold such a bird so close, that was how you lost an eye. But the bird just nuzzled him and flew off. “We need to walk, come.” He started to move and Roxy debated going back, but he was right, she didn’t know the way.

“How were you right there?” she asked as they walked through the woods. “Chance?”

“I had been riding and my hawk there suggested I go to the village,” he said.

“Your hawk told you?” Roxy figured maybe the years of isolation had driven the former captain slightly mad. “Spoke to you, did he?”

“In his way,” Merlin replied. They kept moving deeper and deeper in and the path was barely wide enough for Merlin’s war horse. Eventually they came to a small clearing. “We need rest,” he said. Roxy knew he meant she needed rest, she was exhausted, almost asleep on her feet. He whistled shrilly and again a few minutes later. The bird burst through the trees and made noise at him. “We are not currently followed. No fire though, just in case.” The bird flew up into a tree and watched them both.

Roxy went behind a few trees to attend to her needs and when she returned Merlin had his bed roll out and a water skin. There was some dried meat as well. “Ye need some food,” he handed her the rations. “The water is clean,” he reassured her.

She drank slowly and nibbled on the meat.

He handed her a dagger from his pack. “I go to forage for berries, be on guard,” he told her and disappeared. The quiet of the woods was not as quiet as she had dreamed a place like that would be. Trees rustled, animals could be heard. And in the fading light she swore she heard a stifled cry. “Hello?” she called out. There was no answer. The hawk was sitting in the tree, watching her. “You are well trained, do you always come when he calls?” The hawk made a noise and she almost swore he was laughing at her. Merlin returned with berries and some bark that could be chewed.

She ate as best she could, but her body as hungry as it was, it was even more tired.

“The bedroll is for you,” Merlin said quietly.

“I should take a watch?” she offered.

“You are in no shape to do so,” he replied. “We are safe here tonight.”

She lay down on the bedroll. “I remember you,” she said.

“I remember ye as well,” Merlin replied. “You were younger, but already a scrapper. James said you would join our ranks one day.”

Roxy wiped away a tear. “What will Charlie tell Uncle Percival?”

“Lies,” Merlin answered. “Perhaps one day, he can know the truth.”

“I will personally send Charlie to hell,” she swore.

“Not with the little training you have,” Merlin answered.

“So train me, Captain,” she snapped.

“I am no captain,” Merlin said. The light was almost gone. “Ye need to rest, a good deep sleep will start to set you right.” He stood up, and she imagined he needed to piss or some such.

“I was in your cell, in the dungeons,” she said.

Merlin paused. “And how would ye know that?”

“A man said I was,” Roxy replied. “You carved into the wall. Your heart was free and together, with someone else’s. I see no companion with you. Where is your heart?”

Merlin wouldn’t look at her. “My heart?” he laughed hollowly. “Near enough and so very far away,” was what he said. “Rest, lass.” He disappeared into the woods and Roxy fell asleep before he returned. She woke up in the night when she swore eyes were on her. She could see only a little in the dark, and she gripped the dagger Merlin had given her tight. She couldn’t see him sleeping near. But there was the golden glow of animal eyes just in the trees, she thought. Maybe, and then they were gone. It took a while to return to sleep. When she awoke just after dawn, Merlin was on a log drinking water, and she had been wrapped in his cloak at the night.

He didn’t seem the type to care about anyone’s warmth as they slept.

Merlin looked at her. “Be ready to move as quickly as possible.”

She stood and took the skin he offered her. “Where do we go?”

“North,” he said. “They are less likely to follow north.”

“Do you really believe that?” she asked.

“No,” he said, “But it may buy us a little time.”

“Do they hunt you, or me?”

Merlin gave her a faint smile. “Both.” They walked through the woods all day and when clear Merlin mounted the horse and held an arm out for her. She took it and mounted behind him. There was a cry up in the air and the hawk was circling.

“Your animal is well trained,” she said. “The falconer at the keep was not as well met as the two of you.”

“No one on earth has ever been as well met as I and that hawk,” Merlin replied. He nudged the horse and they headed North.


	3. Chapter 3

“I need a rest, please,” Roxy didn’t like begging, but she would. They have been on the moved all day, hard beyond a break midday to rest the horse. Her body couldn’t cope with the punishing pace after the dungeons and the little food.

“No,” Merlin replied. He looked to the sky and couldn’t see the hawk. He frowned and kept them moving forward.

“I’ll fall off.” Her hands were growing numb from holding so tight. “I’ve never ridden this much.”

“A three day ride is standard recruit training,” Merlin said. “You’ve done this before.”

“No, it isn’t, and even if it had been, it wouldn’t have been after a week in the dungeons and days running with no food,” she said. “I can’t,” she replied.

“You can, or we die,” he answered.

“No one is following us.” She wouldn’t cry, she would not be so weak as that, no matter how sore she was. Roxy held on and watched the scenery move by. She didn’t fall asleep but she drifted away and eventually began to fall off the horse. She didn’t hit the ground though, Merlin caught her and swung her in front of him. He wrapped his cloak more around her and slowed the horse a little.

“Recruits are so weak these days?” he asked.

“I guess,” she replied, too tired to argue the point again. She leaned against him and fell asleep. She wondered if she would wake on the side of the road abandoned.

The sun was low in the sky when she woke again and they had stopped. She could hear Merlin speaking to someone and moved the cloak that covered her head. “Good eve to you,” she said, voice still sleepy. The man looked at her and she shivered a little.

“As ye can see my bride and I are traveling and the lass is tired,” Merlin’s voice was low and persuasive. “Allow us to rest in your barn tonight, partake in some food. I can offer ye three silver for the trouble.”

“Five if I could have some hot water,” Roxy begged. She felt vile.

“10,” the woman standing behind the man glared at Roxy.

“7,” Merlin countered and the man quickly nodded. Merlin helped Roxy down and then slid off his horse. He whistled and the hawk that had been resting atop the barn swooped down and landed on his arm.

“If you need food, why not eat that bird?” the woman asked. “Looks plump enough.”

Merlin’s glare could have burned the ground. “The stew you are cooking will suffice.”

“I’ll need to thin it a bit to stretch to your mouths.”

“I’ll only need a small portion, good woman,” Roxy replied. “My stomach is small this week.”

The woman sniffed at her. “Too good more like it.”

“Roxy, take our horse to the barn,” Merlin suggested. “Bed him down well.”

“Of course,” she agreed and took him to the barn. The saddlebags were heavy and the sword and other weaponry even more so. “Hello,” she said to the horse. “You have served him well, have you not?”

The horse moved his head about and Roxy spied a brush and began to care for the horse. “I wonder where we are traveling to, do you know?” She laughed at herself for talking to the horse. She heard a squawk and turned and there was that hawk. “I bet you know,” she said. “He speaks to you a great deal I think. Years alone, with only animals for company, tis a wonder the captain has not grown mad.” She checked the horse’s hooves and they were in solid repair. “You are both fine creatures,” she told them and shook her head. “Perhaps I will grow mad as well.” She left the stall and went to the barn door. Merlin and the man were bringing two buckets that had steam rising from the top. The man put it just inside the door and left. “Not quite what I meant by hot water,” she said to Merlin. She had been picturing a bath.

“It will have to do,” he said. He put one bucket into an empty stall and took the other into the stall with the horse. He tossed her a piece of cloth from the saddle bags. “The woman even thinking you were my bride would not allow me in the house, and I would not trust ye alone with them.”

“The man scares me little, no matter how he stared,” Roxy replied. She took the clothes off, not caring if Merlin looked, doubting he would.

“Caution is ever wise,” he replied. He stripped down as well and scrubbed with the water. “They would not part with any lye,” he said.

“This feels like heaven,” Roxy said. She dragged the cloth over her skin. Yes she had swum in the sea but had not felt clean and the days on the road had made it even worse. She wiped herself down and soaked her hair. Roxy sighed, she then realized a mistake. “I didn’t save any for the skins before I washed.”

“I did,” Merlin replied. “I am out of practice of caring for recruits, but it returns easily enough.”

“I am not your recruit,” she pointed out. “You are a dead man after all.”

“I suppose I am,” he said. “Feel free to soak the clothes in the water. I have a shirt you may borrow.”

“My thanks,” Roxy replied and dunked the clothes into the water. The servants had always washed with flowers, she remembered, and now she was just happy to get the shit off the hems. She draped the clothes over the stall walls and caught the shirt that Merlin threw her. It was large on her. Merlin collected both buckets and returned them to the cottage. When he came back it was with one bowl and some bread. “7 silvers we are paying them,” she said.

“You rather helped it be that amount,” he said. “Bland but still food.” He handed her the bread and she tore off a chunk and dipped it in the stew. The sky was starting to grow dark. “I’ll monitor outside once dark falls, you go up to the loft with the dagger.”

“I can take a shift,” she said. “I’m better than last night.”

“Still not well though.” He ate some of the stew. “No, ye need more rest still. I am accustomed to little sleep.”

“What was it like?” she asked, curious. “The Kingsman? James would tell stories, but I know they were fantastical.”

“Not as fantastical as ye might guess.”

“You fought a sea serpent?” she asked, smiling, “As big as a Viking ship? One that tried to eat Uncle Percival only he jumped into it’s mouth daggers at the ready and saved the day?”

Merlin laughed, “Perhaps not so fantastical as that,” he admitted. “But we fought bears in woods that felt evil, dark places, that wanted to snatch us to other worlds. Harry swore on one full moon night, they bid him, come and be their king.”

“Wind in the trees, mead in the belly.”

“You do not believe in magic, lass?” Merlin asked.

“I am a soldier, magic is for stories and campfires,” she said. “Well, a would be soldier but still.”

“Live a few more years lass, and your beliefs will widen.”

“God and magic cannot stand side by side,” she said. “If there is magic, it is of the devil’s hand.”

“Now that, I would agree with,” it was almost dark and he stood. “Water the weeds and then to the loft lass,” he ordered.

Roxy went behind the barn and did her business and returned and there was no sign of Merlin just like the night before. She climbed to the loft and fell asleep very quickly. She woke in the night when she heard arguing.

“You will not go in there,” she heard, a voice she did not recognize.

“My barn, I’ll go where I like,” the man called back.

“It is your barn and you can make your way to it on the morn after we have left.” Roxy wondered why the voice said we. It was not Merlin’s voice.

“You were not with them arrival,” the man said. “You are a thief, aren’t you? I need to protect the lass from you.”

“Merlin protects her well enough,” the young voice said. It was smooth, cultured, not dissimilar to the tones she was used to at home. “As do I,” he said. “Now begone with you.”

“You are a pretty enough bloke, perhaps you’d like to sweeten the pot,” the man suggested.

Roxy tried to see the young man but in the dark and shadows she could see little beyond his shape.

“Go,” the stranger said. “This is your last chance.”

The man reached out and touched the stranger and went the stranger swatted his hand away, the farmer punched him and pulled out a cleaver. There was a snarl and then a dark wolf leaped onto the man and gnawed at him. Roxy gasped as the farmer screamed in agony and then soon was silent. Roxy pushed back deeper into the lost and knocked a bale over. She gripped the dagger tight and would not look.

“Don’t worry miss, you are just having a bad dream,” the stranger said. “Go to sleep, in the morning you’ll laugh at your imagination.”

“Who are you?” she called down.

“Just a dream,” he repeated and she could hear him walk away. “Hello, dearest,” he said in a soft voice and then she heard no more.

Roxy curled into a ball. “Just a dream,” she whispered to herself and her grip never lessened on the dagger. “Just a dream, a dream,” she repeated until she fell asleep.

In the morning there was no sign of the farmer or his wife and she did not want to look. Merlin was readying the horse and she put on her mostly dry clothes. “Good morrow,” she said to Merlin.

“Good morrow,” he greeted her.

“I had an odd dream, last night,” she said.

“The stew we ate is likely to blame,” he said easily. “We continue north, I think. North and a little east.” He mounted the horse and held out a hand to her.

“We should make our goodbyes,” she said. “Shouldn’t we?”

“I already have discharged our accounts,” he promised her. The hawk swooped down, golden in the light morning sun. “Ready to travel far?” he asked the hawk, who made a noise of almost assent. He went back in the air in the direction that Merlin wanted to travel. “And ye, lass? Are you ready to travel?”

“There was another man, he protected me,” she said. “He declared that you would protect me, but he was standing there, and then there was a wolf.”

“Ye were raised by James, that you tell such tales,” Merlin said.

“Tales indeed,” she said. She mounted up behind Merlin. “The man told me I was dreaming. His voice was beautiful.”

“Perhaps tonight, I will dream of such a man as well,” Merlin said and kicked the horse to get them moving.

Roxy caught a glimpse of recently turned earth, a crude cross stuck in it. She buried her face in the cloak on Merlin’s back.

A dream, it was all just a dream.


	4. Chapter 4

Roxy was feeling better. They had been heading north for two days but the pace wasn’t punishing, and it was clear they weren’t being followed. There hadn’t been much to eat but enough with the jerky and what they foraged. Merlin was showing her what was edible along their way. He was never there when she fell asleep, and that other man hadn’t been seen again. She did think maybe it had been a dream.

“I think we can risk a fire tonight,” Merlin said. “We are nae followed.”

“Why aren’t we?” she asked.

“King fears the north, the barbarians, the magic in the land.” Merlin let her down and then dismounted himself. “We have a bit of safety. Plus, Charlie was always shit at tracking. They would have had to return home to get a better tracker. This gives us some time to reach out destination.”

“We have an actual destination?” Roxy asked. “Your home.”

“I have no home, but I know one who does.” They walk the horse a little and Merlin points a bit in the distance. “There.”

“Where?” Roxy asked and looked.

“The rocks, there,” he said and they walked and sure enough the splotch of grey in the green was an old wall. They looked around a bit and could bits and pieces of what might have once been a home, or a fence. Something man made. “Gather some sticks and branches, for a small fire. I’ll lay some traps.”

“Traps?” Roxy looked to the sky. “Can he not hunt for you?”

“I ask nothing of him,” Merlin replied.

“You trained him,” she countered. “He is a hunter, he could hunt.”

“Easy enough for my own hands to catch a rabbit, or two,” Merlin said.

“Why haven’t we before now?”

“You eat raw rabbit, you get very sick,” he explained. “You can go mad. I prefer the sliver of sanity that remains in my soul.” He pulled a few items out of a saddle bag and went for a wander to the small bit of trees and brush aways down the road. Roxy looked around where they stopped and found a few twigs. She thought she spied something shining in the long grass and went to investigate. The hawk let out a piercing cry and dove down, barely centimeters away from her face and picked up the shiny object and flew back in the air.

“Are you a hawk or a raven?” she shouted at the bird. He circled in the sky and came to rest on the wall, the object dangling from a claw. Roxy approached carefully. “May I see it?” she asked and paused. “I speak to you as he does, like you understand. More than just long trained commands.” Roxy sat on the ground still a few paces away. “I have not yet gone through the saddlebags properly. The one that is his. The Captain’s. Is there a hood for you in there. Does he ever take your sight away?” She looked in the distance. “That is what I hated most in the dungeon - the dark. That my eyes couldn’t see what was coming, I always thought I would face death head on, and to know it could find me in the dark, it almost could not be borne.” The hawk tilted its head and dropped the object. Roxy went over and picked it up. “Thank you,” she said. She looked at it carefully. It was a token, a sigil carved into metal and strung on leather that was fraying. She ran her fingers over the swooping lines, she found it comforting. The leather was too frayed for her to tie it around her neck and she used the dagger to shorten the length and tied it around her wrist.

The hawk dropped a few twigs on her head. “Yes, I am aware we need a fire.” Roxy took the twigs and added them to a pile. “Find more?” she asked and she could swear that the bird was annoyed with her. “Please?” Where he flew she followed and there was a good bit of wood to be found. The hawk kept making noise at her and pointing to some of the rocks. “I am well aware we need a ring for the fire,” she said. “Because a bird knows better than I what a campfire needs?”

“He means the moss on the rock, lass, it burns well, with a sweet smell,” Merlin said, coming through the trees with two rabbits in hand. “Is that not so?”

The hawk made a noise, a scrabble in the throat and then went to Merlin’s shoulder and nuzzled his jaw.

“Moss,” Roxy said and collected some. They went back and she built the start of the fire. But could not get it to catch. “The wood is just a bit wet, we need more that can let it catch.”

Merlin was gutting the rabbits and tossing organs in the air and the hawk caught them easily. “I will gather some more leaves and moss, they should help.” Merlin wiped his hands on the grass and went back to the trees.

“But they’ll be damp as well,” Roxy said. She looked through the saddle bag that she had been told she was allowed to have, that had the spare shirt, a small plate and a few other sundries. She thought she had seen some paper in there but had paid it no mind before now. She pulled it out and took a quick glance, it appeared to be pages of an old journal, perhaps when he had still been Captain. The hand was beautiful, some of the most perfect writing she had ever seen. But a quick glance showed no maps or directions. And if it was in the bag he had given her, it could not be of true consequence. The three pages would start the fire well, and Merlin would be pleased upon his return.

Roxy moved the pages towards the fire circle. The hawk began to flap his wings and squawked. “We need flame,” she said to him. “Oh what do you understand, your brain is the size of a pea. I know paper is precious, but this is clearly scrap and food right now is more precious. A soldier understands practicality.” The hawk made a horrific noise when she tore the pages into strips and wound it through the moss and twigs. She struck the flint and was pleased when the paper curled and the fire took. She blew on it a little and soon the fire was small but stable. She put the rabbits on sticks and held one over the flame. She looked to the bird. “The flame reflects your eyes enough it would almost look like you cry,” she laughed at the fanciful thought.

A little bit later Merlin returned carrying leaves and more twigs. He smiled at her. “A few pieces were dry enough I take it?” He put his load down and sat next to her and picked up the second rabbit to begin cooking it.

“No, but there were a few scraps of paper in the saddlebag of my use and they made fine kindling,” Roxy said and pulled her rabbit from the flame. It looked near enough done and the scent was wonderful.

“Paper?” Merlin asked.

There was something in his voice, something that had Roxy reaching for her dagger and she could not say why. “They contained no map or directions that I could see. A brief glance showed them to be a scribe’s work - a copy from another book. Nothing was lost with their burning, and we gained dinner.” She found herself moving a little away from Merlin as she put her food back to flame. Merlin carefully put the second rabbit down and went to check the bags where they lay against the wall, the horse having gone for a wander. The hawk was there and making a racket, almost like it was telling on her. Merlin went through his bag and his shoulders slumped in relief. He returned and sat. “I think what you burned was important, but not so important that I will kill you where you sit.”

Roxy pulled her dagger out of its sheath. “You would kill me for scraps of paper?”

Merlin looked at her in the setting sun, over the flames. “If they had been other paper? Without hesitation or regret.” He began to cook the second rabbit. “Your food is about to burn,” he said.

Roxy moved it off the flame and stared at a slightly charred flank. “Has your time alone made you so cold? So casual about murder?”

Merlin smiled a bit and she was terrified. “The north is cold, lass, perhaps it froze my heart. Or perhaps it was frozen when King destroyed me.” He turned the rabbit over the flame. “I am certainly cold enough to kill you for the loss of the paper.”

“Paper is precious,” she agreed. “Uncle Percival would chide James for being wasteful of it.” She used her dagger to slice off some of the meat and to have it on hand.

“Tis nae the paper that is precious but the hand, the letters on the page,” Merlin said. “You searched my bag, the pages wrapped in the oilskin, never touch them.”

“I did no such searching, I swear it to God,” she snapped.

Merlin looked at her and for a moment she could have sworn him a demon, the way the flame lit his face. “Always search a person’s bags, lass, that way there are no surprises.”

“I’ll remember that, and I’ll remember to not touch the oilskin packet,” she swore. She ate a little more rabbit and was fairly certain that Merlin was not going to kill her. “They did just seem to be a scribe’s copying work,” she said. “A history of some sort.”

“ _In the time of William the Conqueror, the lands of the West were difficult to organize under the new banner_ ,” Merlin began. He finished cooking his rabbit and though she had just glimpsed, she was sure he was reciting the whole of the pages from memory. She stared at him in awe. He lifted the rabbit to his lips and ate a bit. “I enjoy reading, and books are hard to travel with,” he said after chewing. “I bring a few pages along to read when I can.”

“And whatever is in the oilskin,” she said. Merlin nodded. “The papers you would kill for.”

“The papers I would die for,” he replied and the bird made a noise and flew off. Merlin ate a bit more and then gave it to Roxy. “You need the food more than I.”

“You need it just as much as I,” she protested.

“I’ll be fine,” Merlin promised. “I go for a walk.”

“Like every night,” she said.

“Attend to the fire lass, put it out before ye sleep,” he said and disappeared back towards the woods. Roxy could see the horse lay down a bit aways and stared at the flames. It was getting cooler the more north they went. She couldn’t understand why they could not sleep in shifts and keep the fire going. Roxy unrolled the pallet and took the cloak for sleep. She lay and stared at the stars and fed no more twigs into the fire and it began to die down. She did not mean to but she fell asleep.

When she awoke the stranger was there, on the other side of the barely burning embers. “Are you a dream again?” she asked. She didn’t sit up.

“If you like,” he said. He shook his head. “You shouldn’t fall asleep and leave a fire unattended.”

“I know,” Roxy agreed. “Do you have a name, creature?”

“I do,” he replied. He dumped dirt on the embers and put them fully out. “Do you?”

“To give a name to a spirit is not the best idea.”

“A spirit?” He laughed a little. “That is better than a dream, I think.”

“Where’s the Captain?” Roxy asked.

“Around, he’s always around.”

The man sounded fond.

“Do you haunt him?”

“He haunts me,” the man replied. He looked up at the moon. “Do you like the moon?”

“It is the moon, I do not know that I have feelings about it.”

“I never know if I love it or hate it,” the man said. He closed his eyes. “I used to love it though. It held so many secrets. It held our secrets.” They both heard the wolf howl and the man stood up.

“We need the fire, back,” Roxy said. “The wolf will not come near the fire.” It howled again, and Roxy shivered. She watched the man walk away, heading towards the sound. “Are you mad? An animal that makes that noise? That is a wounded noise.”

“It is, but not how you think, sleep again, good lady,” the man said. “Go back to sleep.”

“I thought I was already dreaming,” Roxy said.

“Then perhaps, soon you will have to wake up,” he suggested. He walked to the woods and Roxy in the dark could almost see the black wolf, the one that attacked the man at the cottage come running out of the woods. It stopped so close to the strange man and then they walked into the woods together.

Roxy did not sleep for a long time again.

When she awoke, Merlin was before her. “I dreamed of the man again,” she told him. “And a wolf.”

“Did ye now?” he asked her. He tossed her a water skin. “We ride hard today.”

Roxy stood and stretched. She paused mid twist. “Did you write that?” she asked.

“Write what?”

“There,” she pointed. “Is it soot from the fire?” On a bit of rock that had been worn smooth by the elements were a few words, rough, shaky but legible.

 _I hear your heart’s cry_.

“What does that mean? Who would write such?” Roxy was confused. “Was it the man?”

“We must ride,” was all Merlin said. But he went over to the rock and traced his fingers over the letters before he wiped it away. He looked to the sky and whistled. When the bird soared to his arm, Roxy watched man and beast gaze in each other’s eyes and her heart felt unbearably heavy.

“Merlin do you like the moon?”

“I used to,” he said. “When it held our secrets.”

“That is what the man said,” Roxy watched him. “Did you hear him?”

Merlin stroked the bird’s breast and sent him to the air. “I dreamed him as well lass.”

“Those words mean it was no dream,” she said as she pointed to the rock.

Merlin readied the horse.

“Tell me,” Roxy begged.

“When we arrive at our destination,” he said. “If you haven’t figured it out by then.”

Roxy gazed at the smudged soot and nodded. They set a hard pace north and she thought and tried to put all the pieces together but they just wouldn’t fit. She imagined the pages she wasn’t supposed to look at would make them fit. She just wondered if she dared that risk.


	5. Chapter 5

“This is troubling indeed,” King told the small group of soldiers gathered to him. Charlie stood beside him. “This means that men who were supposed to be loyal to Ross, lied to me. Merlin is alive, and a threat to our stability and our lives. He has gone mad, alone in the north. As you well know this madness started long before, when Charlie discovered Merlin’s plans for a coup and saved us all. Merlin supposedly chose to die on the field of battle instead of face the consequences of his treason. And now we know who young Roxanne Morton was spying for.” Chester shook his head. “And in his rescue of his spy, he killed James, a fine soldier. A good man.”

“Roxy laughed when he was gutted,” Charlie said. He looked at Percival, “I’m sorry you had such an unknown viper in your nest.”

Percival didn’t say anything, he just adjusted the black arm band over his uniform.

“I have studied travel patterns, the weather, the sun, the history of Merlin, and I know which way they travel,” King explained. “A small team on our fastest horses can intercept them.”

“That is impossible to know for certain,” Percival replied calmly.

“Do you question my logic?” Charlie asked and the room seemed to freeze. “You are in mourning and shock, it can be forgiven. I think that you need a break, return to your home and grieve properly. You there,” he gestured to one of his guards. “See that Percival gets home, and is comfortable there.”

Percival gave a polite nod and left, knowing he was being put on house arrest. That more than anything convinced him that something was wrong. But for the moment there was nothing he could do.

Chester looked to the small group left. “Charlie, you will lead a team and destroy Merlin. He travels with a hawk, bring the bird back to me. Alive.” He reached into his desk and pulled out an amulet. “Carry this, it will aid your travels.”

“I will not fail you,” Charlie swore. He and the rest of the guards left. Chester looked to the servant in the corner. “Go to stable master, tell him to send word out. Gazelle is needed.”

The servant paled but went.

Chester went to his private study and pulled a book off his shelf. The writing was beautiful, the letters perfectly even and well formed. He traced them hungrily and pictured the man who had written them. He had thought the wilds would kill them, or their own suffering would. But he had a chance to regain what he had thrown away. God was presenting him with a second chance. It was fate.

He looked at the words so carefully written and wanted.

********************************

“Merlin?” Roxy asked.

“Aye?”

“Where is the hawk?” She looked up at the skies and could not see the bird.

“If we ride hard we are only a few hours from our rest, he could have flown ahead,” Merlin replied. He looked to the skies as well and then tilted his head. He stopped the horse and dismounted and put his ear to the ground. “Riders approach.”

“Riders?” Roxy looked around and could see nothing. “Are you sure?”

“Aye,” he said. “We need to get off the road.”

Roxy looked around. “And go where Merlin? This is all open space.”

Merlin cursed. “They should nae have caught us.”

“Who? They could just be riders, travelers like us,” Roxy pointed out. There was a screech in the air and the hawk came down and landed on Merlin’s arm. “He is scared,” she said.

“Aye, and they cannot learn where we travel to,” Merlin said. “We need to stop them.” He looked at Roxy. “Can you fight?”

Roxy nodded. “I can,” she said. She wasn’t back up to full strength yet, but she was better than she had been. “Thieves?”

“King’s men.”

“That’s impossible,” she said. “They couldn’t be catching up.”

“Switched horses, magic, I know not but they come.”

“Magic isn’t real,” Roxy said for what felt like the thousandth time, but she was starting to say it more softly, more unsure. “And how can you even know it is his men?”

“Because no one else would rush to kill me,” Merlin said. He stared at the landscape, there were few options. “That ridge there. How is your aim?”

“Best in my training,” she said.

He handed her the crossbow. “Go.”

“What about you?” She stared at him and he wasn’t the man she had been traveling with, but the Captain she remembered from her childhood. The man Percival and James followed gladly.

“I meet them,” Merlin replied and was astride the horse again and pulling out his sword. He went into the middle of the lane and sat there, ready.

Roxy ran to the ridge. A proper bow would be better, but the crossbow would at least injure though may not kill. She lay there and waited. It was minutes, it was an hour and then a team of six riders were seen.

She could tell the leader was Charlie. She sighted him as best she could.

“Hold, soldier,” Merlin shouted. He wasn’t even looking at her, but knew her mind well enough. “It would be an arrow wasted at this range.”

Roxy bit her lip until it bled but waited. He was right, of course he was, but she wanted Charlie dead. She watched them approach and Merlin stayed so calm. Measured. The riders stopped and Charlie lifted his helm and Roxy realized that Merlin had no helmet. That was dangerous and he would know that. Did he not fear a blow to the head, an arrow?

“Merlin, you are under arrest,” Charlie shouted. “Come peaceably.”

“Lad, you are lying and that is disappointing,” Merlin called back. “King would not want to see my face. Ye are here to kill me.”

“You are a traitor!” Charlie roared.

“Aye, I am,” Merlin replied and a few in Charlie’s company gasped. Roxy froze in surprise. “But sometimes, men need to be such to live with their conscience and their heart.”

There was a cry and the hawk dove down and tried to scratch at Charlie’s face and Merlin kicked the horse and charged at the group.

Roxy could not aim at Charlie, the hawk too in the way. She shot at the man next to him, well pleased when the arrow went through his wrist and he dropped his sword. She loaded the crossbow and sent more arrows flying. Roxy watched the hawk soar back into the air as Merlin reached the riders and began to hack with his sword. It was six to one really, though she was helping and he was as fierce as the stories she had been told. Three were down and Charlie pulled back a bit with the other two to regroup. Roxy was pleased at the blood pouring down his cheek. Merlin stayed in the centre of the lane and waited.

The hawk circled the sky.

Charlie smiled and gestured to one of the remaining soldiers. He pulled up his own crossbow, a hefty one, larger than what was in Roxy’s hand and he aimed.

Roxy aimed as well, and they both shot at the same time. Her arrow hit the man’s eye and threw him back.

The soldier’s arrow should have pierced Merlin but the hawk dove down and took the bolt.

The cry that was torn from Merlin’s lips shattered Roxy’s heart, and was so horrific that Charlie and the remaining soldier turned and fled. Roxy ran over and Merlin had dropped his sword and was cradling the hawk. “Merlin?” Roxy asked.

He carefully got down off the horse. “Ye need to ride lass, ride like the devil is chasing you.”

“I don’t understand,” Roxy said. It was late afternoon. “Where? Why? Merlin we should put the animal out of his misery.” She knew that Merlin loved the bird, but it was suffering.

In an instant a knife was at her throat. “Ye do not say that, you do not think it.” He grip on the bird was so gentle and Roxy wondered why the bird so injured was not fighting him. “Ye ride, ride as hard as you can. When the road forks take the east path. Eventually it will seem that the path stops, but keep moving forward, ye will find a crumbling keep. There help will be. They will take care of the hawk. Go, ye have to beat the sun.”

“Why not you?”

“You ride faster, lighter. You do not carry just his life, but your own. Do you understand me?”

Roxy understood that if the hawk died, she did too. “Merlin…”

He picked her up and threw her onto the horse. He was much gentler with the hawk. “Go and ride like your life depends on it.” The hawk was in her arms and when Roxy stared into Merlin’s eyes, she never saw a human in so much pain before, that wasn’t dying themselves. “Go,” he whispered and hit the horse’s flank and they were off.

She rode hard, barely allowing the horse a break and took the east path when she came across it and then the road did seem just to sort of stop. The hawk was making sad noises in her arm and she slowed the horse down. “Please tell me you know where to safely step,” she said to the war horse and it seemed he did know his way through the long grass and rocks. The sun was not all the way down but she knew dark was going to come quickly and then she saw the keep.

Crumbling was correct. It was an abandoned monstrosity, why there was even a keep out here she could not understand. She moved as close as she dared. “Hello?” she shouted. She shouted it again and a man appeared on the keep wall.

“Who goes there?” he shouted and looked down at her. “Well met young lass,” he said.

The silver threads in his hair caught the waning light and his one eye was gone but she recognized him nonetheless. “Lieutenant Hart?” she called up. “You died.”

“How do you know my name?”

“I am the niece of Percival Morton,” she called back up. “And I travel with Captain Merlin.”

Harry sighed. “Well, where is the bastard?”

“He follows,” she called up. “He sent me with the hawk,” she said.

“I suppose I am to feed you.” Harry looked up at the skies. “Where is the hawk?”

“Here in my arms, with an arrow in him,” she shouted. “Please, Lieutenant, the bird is injured.”

Even from the distance she could see the horror on his face before he disappeared.

It was very little time before the gate opened. “Hurry in, girl,” Harry snapped. Roxy rode forward and passed the bird to him once in the gate. She watched as he ran away with the bird across the small courtyard and into the main keep. Roxy didn’t know what she was supposed to do now, but she could attend to the horse who was worn from the ride.

She took him to the stables and bedded him down, making sure he had water and hay. When she emerged the light was gone and she heard a scream from the keep. She ran, her dagger in hand. Roxy followed the screams through the keep and slammed a door open.

Lieutenant Hart was wiping away blood and trying to soothe.

And there was the man she dreamed of, an arrow in his shoulder.

The arrow that had been in the hawk.

She leaned back against the wall. “I don’t believe in magic,” she whispered.

“That’s a shame, considering you are surrounded by it,” Harry said.

The young man looked at her, gasping clearly in agony. “Do not fret young miss, remember you are dreaming.”

They all froze as they heard the mournful cry of a wolf in the distance.

“I think I am awake,” Roxy replied and sat on the ground, numb.


	6. Chapter 6

“You weren’t a dream,” she said, staring at the man.

“I’m a dream to some,” he replied.

Harry made a noise. “You are a man with an arrow in his shoulder. Save the poetics for when there isn’t an arrow in your shoulder. What were you thinking?”

Roxy looked at him. “He took a shot that would have hit Merlin’s head. The man doesn’t wear a helm. He went into battle without a helm. Who does that?”

“Merlin,” Harry and Eggsy both reply. It was a mix of exasperation and affection.

Harry wiped at the wound some more. “I’ve seen worse than this,” he told Eggsy, “But removing the arrow will be unpleasant.”

Roxy looked at him like he was insane. “Pulling an arrow out is not unpleasant, it is excruciating,” she said. “I’ve seen it done. And the chance for infection, and loss of sensation in the limb and -”

“And that is why we don’t pull it out,” Harry replied, “It went deep. Better to cut the shaft and make an incision on the other side and pull it out.”

“Are you mad? You want to cause more damage?” Roxy stared at him in shock. “How is that better?”

“I trust him,” Eggsy replied. Harry sponged his forehead. “He’s a true friend, and if he says it is best, it is best.”

“Do you have training to withstand pain?” Roxy asked. “Who are you?”

“I’m Eggsy, before…before all this, I was a scribe. Sometimes I still am,” he smiled a little. “You burned some of my pages.”

“You remember that?” She watched him. “Do you remember everything when you are a -” she couldn’t bring herself to say it. If she spoke it aloud it would be the moment she truly believed in magic.

“You can still pretend it’s all a dream,” Eggsy told her. “Sometimes, I like to pretend that too.” He rolled his head to Harry. “Do it, the waiting will kill me.”

Roxy watched him. “Do you greet death lovingly?”

Eggsy’s eyes drifted back to her. “So you were in the cells.” Roxy gave him a nod. “I know not.” He closed his eyes and there was a sheen of sweat on his brow.

“Lass, go boil water,” Harry ordered her. “There is a large fire in the kitchens. There will be strips of linen, put them in the boiling water for a minute. Then reboil the water and bring both to me.”

Roxy stared at them. “Merlin put the hawk…him…the bird?” She let out a frustrated breath and squared her shoulders. “He was put in my care, and it was made clear that my life was entwined with his. So you’ll excuse me if I don’t leave him alone with a ghost.” She looked at Harry. “You died. And now want to carve him up? No. You deal in the dark arts, and I won’t let him be a sacrifice for your lusts.”

Eggsy was in pain and still managed to laugh. “Harry’s lusts? Oh my. Harry do you even have lusts?”

“I do, and you are not among them, for numerous reasons,” Harry replied. “I have never meant a mote of harm to the lad, who I consider my own in kinship, kin in all but blood, just as Merlin is. To harm Eggsy would be like cutting off my own limb. Fetch the bandages.”

“No, I will not leave him,” Roxy said and pulled her knife. She honestly couldn’t grasp everything that was going on but what she could, was that Captain Merlin had given her a mission, to see the hawk brought to safety. Leaving him, would not equal safety. And frankly the shadows in the room, cast on Harry that made him look like the devil himself brought to life. “You’ll have to kill me.”

“I do not want to kill you, I want to save him, and we are wasting time!” Harry roared. Roxy forced herself not to flinch, even as he approached.

“Harry, go fetch it, please?” Eggsy asked. “I wish this finished.”

Harry looked at Roxy. “Do not think you can comprehend what will be done to you, if you harm him.” He exchanged a last look with Eggsy and then hurried away.

“You should sit next to me,” Eggsy said and Roxy moved closer, to the stool Harry had been on. She looked at the shoulder with the arrow in it. There was something…She reached and her hand jolted the arrow and he cursed rather impressively. She was even more careful and plucked the small feather away from the wound.

“Oh,” she said softly. That what was what finally did it for her. That and the sound of one wolf howling that regularly echoed around the keep. “You are a hawk,” she whispered. She blew against the small feather and watched it move.

“No,” Eggsy said. “I’m a man.” Roxy held the feather up. “I am,” he insisted. “Just, not all the time. But I was born a man, and god willing I’ll die like one.”

The howl echoed again.

“He must be terrified,” Eggsy said. “Can you go calm him?”

“A wolf, you want me to calm a wolf, that I know has murdered,” she said.

“You travel well enough with him during the day, knowing all he has killed.”

“Merlin,” Roxy said. “The wolf is Merlin.”

“Aye,” Eggsy said in a gentle mocking of the man’s tone. “He is so stunning isn’t he?”

“He’s stunning?” Roxy couldn’t really see it but she supposed that was love. “What is happening here?” she asked.

“Mayhap that can wait until this is out of my shoulder?” Eggsy replied. “Bit hard to focus.”

Roxy wiped his brow. “You are my age,” she said. She touched his smooth jaw, the lack of lines around his eyes. “You are so young for all of this.”

“Suffering comes for us all,” he said. “Just sometimes what you had makes it worth it.”

“What could be worth all this?” Roxy protested.

Eggsy gripped her hand tight, and his eyes were on fire. “He is,” he said sitting up a little before collapsing again.

Harry returned with a tray baring a number of supplies. “Light all these candles, spread them around the room,” he ordered. He went to the table and poured a strong smelling alcohol over it and wiped it down and then again with the water. He looked at her. “Come now, do as I ask.” Roxy lit the candles and put them around and between them and the fire there was decent light. “Good, now we need to get him to the table.”

Eggsy swung himself up on his own and then let them guide him to the table. The pain was clearly starting to get to him. “I trust you Harry,” he said calmly.

“I thank you for that,” Harry said solemnly. Roxy watched them. It reminded her a little of her and her uncle. How he spoke to her. She missed him so desperately. “Roxy, sit on him.”

“Excuse me?” Roxy asked.

“I need him very still and you’ll be able to best use your weight to keep him that way by sitting on him,” Harry said.

Roxy nodded and climbed on top and pressed him down. Harry took out a blade that was thin and shone in the light of candle and fire. In a second the shaft was cut so close to the skin, Roxy couldn’t believe Eggsy wasn’t cut.

“I need to press, to feel around a little,” Harry said. “I can knock you out.”

Eggsy was sweating, in pain, in fear. “No, don’t. I need to know what is happening.”

Harry nodded and pressed at Eggsy’s shoulder. When he would have shouted, Roxy put a strip of leather in his mouth. “Good, we don’t need Merlin bursting in.” Harry almost pressed his finger right into Eggsy. “There. We need him on his side.”

Roxy helped roll Eggsy and sat on him again. Harry cut carefully into the back of Eggsy’s shoulder and Roxy shuddered as pliers went in. The leather dropped out of Eggsy’s mouth and he screamed and passed out. Harry slowly pulled the arrowhead out of Eggsy and put it on the table. He poured the spirits over the wound on both sides and then looked at the wounds. “The back isn’t so bad but the front needs closing.”

Roxy paled a bit. “Thank god he is not awake.”

Harry put the knife in the fire for a few moments and Roxy did her best not to vomit when the sent of burning flesh filled the room. Harry carefully bandaged the wound and they carried him to the bed. Harry then moved back and sat on top of the table and took a healthy swallow of what was left in the bottle. He handed it to her and Roxy drank gratefully. The room was quiet save the crackle of the fire and the cry of the wolf outside the keep. “It is in God’s hands. Pray there is no sickness.”

Roxy prayed for that and many other things. “Magic is real,” she said.

“It is, though rare, and incredibly difficult,” Harry replied. “Those who embrace it, will never see the kingdom of heaven.”

“Do they really care though, those who go that far?” Roxy took another sip of the drink and winced at the taste. It was lethal stuff, designed to intoxicate in a hurry.

“No, I suppose they don’t,” Harry agreed. He watched Eggsy sleep. “It wasn’t love at first sight, not for them. But it was close. The first time Merlin smiled at him, he was lost. Merlin’s smiles are so very rare.”

“And when was Merlin lost?”

“The first time he saw Eggsy’s hand. A private note, in that beautiful script.” Harry looked at Eggsy’s hands. “Do you know your letters?”

“Of course, do you think someone raised by Percival Morton would not?” Roxy was affronted.

“Go to that wall, read the skin on it.”

Roxy stood up, weaving a little from the alcohol and lost adrenaline. She went to the skin and could just make out the writing. “Is this his?” It wasn’t so beautifully written as the man suggested.

“Just read it aloud.”

“ _Can love endure what it cannot touch? Can affection withstand a separation both vast and small? Can the heart remain true when it has nothing to gaze on? Can those who defy all for love, stay in love when all that love entails is denied_?” Roxy looked to Harry. “I don’t understand.”

“They remember him asking those questions, just before the ritual. He meant the questions to haunt them, drive them mad.”

“Did it?” Roxy asked.

“Merlin was already a little mad,” Harry said. He sighed. “It is a long story and the hour grows late. We both need rest.” He looked at Roxy. “Do you trust me now to keep watch over him?”

“I do, and I am sorry,” Roxy felt horrible. He clearly loved Eggsy.

“I am sure Merlin will appreciate your dedication,” Harry said. “Third room on the left is suitable for the night.”

Roxy recognized a dismissal and left them be. She went to the room and stripped down and tried to rest, but her mind would not stop screaming about the impossibility of what she had found herself in. Eventually restless sleep came and a nightmare awoke her just as the sky began to lighten. She dressed and went out to the front of the keep. She sat on the ground and waited. A wolf walked up the lane as the sky grew lighter.

“Hello, Merlin,” she said. He stopped in front of her and they stared at each other. When the sun’s beams hit the land she watched as the wolf stretched out and became man.

A rather naked man. But she had been in training to be a soldier and nudity did not bother her. “He is healing,” she told him and watched his shoulders slump in relief. “Does love endure?” she asked.

Merlin crouched down and looked at her. They both heard a cry and looked up to where the hawk tried to fly but faltered. Harry reached out and pulled him back into the room. “It does,” he said.

Roxy thought she had never heard two sadder words. “You need clothes,” she said. “And I need the truth.”

“The truth, lass, begins with once upon a time,” he warned. “And is filled with many things you sneer at.”

“I think it is passed time for me to start believing,” Roxy said. “Break your fast and we will talk.” She walked back into the keep and wondered what she would be told.


	7. Chapter 7

They ate in silence and Merlin was restless. “I owe you a debt for getting him here.”

“You owe me nothing,” she promised. In her mind he didn’t, he had helped her and taken her on as a travel companion, putting himself in danger when he didn’t have to. “I could not see the animal…Eggsy, suffer.” She shrugged, “And Lieutenant Hart is alive. There is so much I need to be told.”

“Aye, but not at this moment. I need to see him for my own eyes. Please,” he said. In another man it would have sounded like pleading.

“Of course, Captain,” she said. “I’ll find something to do.” She tidied the kitchen as best she could, it wasn’t something she had much experience in, but it was credible enough and then went outside. After the last several days of travel being inside almost felt odd, too confining. She checked on the horse and then wandered the courtyard. The place was falling apart, Harry either not caring or not capable of upkeep. She went to a hole in the wall and went to put her hand through it and found it solid. “What?” she whispered and pressed again. She felt brick under her hand. It was an illusion.

Roxy checked a few more places and there was similar spots, places that looked derelict but when you touched were whole. “Magic,” she said to herself. She wondered which of the three was doing. Harry said doing magic was a journey that lead straight to hell in the afterlife. Which of them chose that route? She wandered more and there was door and when she opened it, she crooned, “oh my heart.” The room was the armory and it was full. It was heaven. Roxy walked around and held different bows and blades, testing the weight, finding everything in excellent condition. She wondered why three men needed enough weapons for a small army. Roxy found a sword that was a perfect size and weight for her and took it out to the courtyard and began to practice her forms. It felt so good to be practicing again.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked.

“My forms,” she replied and moved in a lunge.

“They are dreadful,” Harry said.

She kept moving through the paces, “I am doing them exactly how they were in training.”

“This is what training is now?” Harry sneered. He went to the room and returned with a sword. “Follow me,” he said. “Are you a side draw or over the shoulder draw?”

“Side,” she replied.

“Switch to over the shoulder.” Harry drew his blade up and out, seamless, elegant. Not as terrifying as Merlin but very impressive.

“It takes more work to do it like that,” she replied. “Side pull is much more efficient.”

“Perhaps, though if you train it becomes just as easy, but it is about the look sometimes just as much as the action.” Harry pointed his sword at her. “Do it.” They spent an hour just working on drawing her sword and she was sweating by the end. “Almost acceptable,” Harry said. “Are you sure you were even in basic training?” He laughed a bit.

Roxy didn’t think, just drew her sword over her shoulder and held it firmly. “Burn in hell,” she snarled, frustrated. “I’m a brilliant soldier.”

Harry smiled at her. “Good, that was good. Perhaps with a decent teacher you will be. Tomorrow we will work on your thrusts. I think you will be here a few days.” He went over to a bench and took a pull from a water skin and tossed it to her. “I can see your uncle in your form, but it is almost ruined by the appalling training they gave you. Do they even want soldiers anymore?”

“Charlie -”

“Him?” Harry sighed.

“He is captain of the guard,” Roxy said.

“He is a dreadful soldier and a contemptible man and he will pay for what he did, in this life, hopefully, and if not when we meet in hell, I will relish his torture,” Harry snapped.

“So you are the one who did the magic around here,” she guessed.

Harry nodded. “I failed them once. I will not fail them again.”

“How did you fail them?”

“I betrayed them.”

Roxy looked at him in shock. “The man my uncle spoke of, when he spoke of you? That was not a man who would betray his captain and his friend. You didn’t,” she said.

“I took an arrow to the eye. And I lay there, presumably dead, what with an arrow in my head. Charlie came and went through my bags and found the letters I was holding for Merlin and Eggsy. It is my fault that Chester discovered them.”

Roxy squinted. “You betrayed them because you took an arrow to the eye and were dead or presumed dead.” Roxy went over to him and reached out, but the lieutenant had such an air to him that she didn’t touch. “This is not your fault. There is no way in the world that the captain blames you for dying.”

Harry smiled “I blame me, and that is enough.”

“You need to let it go, Harry,” Merlin said. “You are the truest friend and ally we could have hoped for.”

Harry didn’t respond to that. “How is the hawk?”

“Restless, not a creature easily tamed,” Merlin said.

“He never was,” Harry replied. “I’ll keep him company.”

Roxy watched the look they exchanged, and she supposed for exiled soldiers it was subtle. “You want to talk to me?” she asked Merlin after Harry was gone back into the keep.

“Not really, I dislike talking,” Merlin said and then went to the armory. He came out with several weapons and laid them out. “Show me what passes for training these days.”

“Lieutenant Hart was unimpressed,” Roxy said. She looked at the daggers, the shields, the swords large and short. A crossbow and a longbow. “I can draw that, it’s too heavy for me.” Roxy was a little scared by his smile. “Sir?” she asked and felt her spine straighten.

“Show me a try,” he ordered and she picked up the long bow and managed to barely reach a half draw and her arm shook as she did that. “Try,” he barked and she managed a bit more.

“Sir, I can’t go further.”

“A soldier can always go just a little bit more,” he said. “For the man beside you, for the people ye protect. Now give me more.” Roxy managed a fraction more and then dropped the bow, fingers aching.

“You didn’t even give me a guard,” she said, staring at the red marks on her fingers. She watched him pick up the bow and draw like it was nothing and shoot. “You have decades of calluses and training and are taller and stronger than I am.”

“I cannae help you with the taller, but decades start today and we begin with making you stronger.” Roxy stared at him in confusion as he walked away and then in shock when he returned with two buckets and put one bucket of grain in her hands. “Start climbing the stairs lass,” he said.

“You are not serious,” Roxy replied.

Merlin just looked at her and raised a brow. He picked up the other. “I’m being kind you don’t have to do both for three days.” He then started running up the stairs carrying the bucket. “Or perhaps you aren’t meant to be a soldier.”

“Die in a fire,” she snapped and climbed with her bucket. It was heavy but not unbearable. “How many times do we do this?” She guessed she could manage five times without a flinch, ten total.

“Until I say we are done,” Merlin replied. He was back down and switched hands. “Faster Morton,” he said.

Roxy hurried down and switched hands and went back up. She had been right that five times wasn’t an issue and then each trip up was a little slower, a little harder. He was at double what she had done and not slowing at all. “Can I take a break?”

“Not if you want to learn from us while we rest here,” Merlin said and seemed to go even faster. “Come on, push yourself or are you used to having everything handed to you?”

Roxy snarled and kept going and by the 18th trip up she was so slow and almost crawling but she never let the bucket hit the stone. The 19th trip she was weeping and her arms and legs felt like lead. On the 20th she stood at the top and he was at the bottom. “Wait there, bucket hanging over the side. If ye drop it, you start all this all over again.” Tears fell on her cheeks but she did as he said and watched as he put all the equipment away. Her hands were bleeding, splinters from the wooden handle, and sweaty under the warming sun even as the air was cool. Her arms was shaking and she just began to scream, to will herself to keep holding the bucket. She was so focused that she didn’t notice Merlin come to her until the bucket was slipping out of her fingers and he caught it. She looked at him, “Sir, I’m sorry, I’ll get the second bucket.” She had no idea how she would do it, but she began to move.

Merlin stayed her journey. “Well done, recruit,” he said and when she collapsed against him, he easily picked her up and carried her inside. He walked through the halls and down a corridor to an underground room well lit with torches and a stone pit in the middle. Harry was already pumping, filling it with water from the well. There were several steaming buckets beside him and more over a fire in a different stone pit. Merlin gently put Roxy down and tossed the hot water in with the cold.

Roxy breathed in, “It smells soft, and sweet.”

“Local flowers and weeds,” Harry explained, “they’ll soothe your muscles. Strip down and I’ll wash your clothes.”

Merlin stripped without another thought and Roxy tried but her fingers weren’t working. Harry finished pumping and went to help her as Merlin changed out the buckets on the fire. She watched the smoke be drawn to a wall and guessed there was some ventilation; she was relieved the smoke wouldn’t kill them. She let Harry undress her. “I never want to see a bucket of grain again.”

“Very well, tomorrow I will make it sand,” he said.

She whimpered at the thought of doing it again tomorrow. “Charlie never pushed like this.”

“Charlie was never a Kingsman,” Harry countered. “We train harder, smarter, to prepare for anything, ready to do and be anything in service of our mission. Now get in the water before your muscles completely seize.”

Roxy let Harry help her into the water and it was warm. Oh it had been so long since a warm bath, and never in something like this. Merlin added two more hot water buckets and then joined her. Roxy figured that 5 or six could be in her and not bother each other. There was a ledge to sit on and she sat and let the water soothe her. Merlin was soon beside her.

“May I touch you lass?” Merlin asked. She looked at him and there was no hint of attraction in his eyes. She nodded and watched as he picked up her hand and gently worked the splinters out of her palm and massaged the fingers and worked slowly up to the aching upper part and her shoulder. It hurt so much and then felt like heaven. He repeated it on the other side. “You did well today, not even half the people who tried out for the Kingsman make it past the first day.”

“And I made it past the first day,” she said.

“Aye, ye would have.”

“Did the hawk?” she asked. He had settled a little away from her with a cloth and bit of soap. It smelled much better than she was used to, similar to whatever was put in the water. She watched him scrub up and then he handed her the items and it felt divine to be properly clean. She never wanted to leave this water.

“No, he is a scribe. Was a scribe,” Merlin said. “He can use a dagger well enough, Harry made sure of that. But he is too gentle to be a killer like us.” Merlin looked at her. “Can you imagine?” He shook his head, someone choosing to be something other than a soldier was unfathomable to him. “Though he is pretty fierce with a quill. One time I was sure he would tickle me to death with it.”

Roxy couldn’t picture anyone tickling the captain. “Harry said it wasn’t love at first sight, but that it was close to it.”

“He was ten and six the first time I saw him,” Merlin said. “It was a small glimpse, he was coming into the keep, as I was leaving on a mission. I remember thinking that he would have the look of his father, and wondering if he would try for the guard when he was of age. He left again while I was away. Then he returned when he was 19. King’s personal scribe had passed away and a new one sent for and Eggsy was his assistant. King had asked me to a meeting, wanting my opinion on something, I cannot even remember what it was. Eggsy was there at a table, taller now, hands a little inked stained and this faint smile around his mouth, like the whole thing was a joke. He was a handsome lad, but there were other handsome men who had caught my eye in the past. A week later I received a note, and the words were written beautifully, it was a request for a guard. I admit, seeing the letters on the page, made me want to see the lad again. So I offered my services. It turned out that technically through some sort of laws and other manner, Eggsy was ward to King. And King was very insistent that Eggsy be protected from everything and anyone who had ill intent.”

“I am sure, King had the most ill intent of all,” Roxy muttered.

Merlin gave a faint smile at that. “King demanded one of the Kingsman be available at all times for Eggsy. I went because no captain should ask anything of his men that he wouldn’t do himself. I thought, see the lad again, and do your job and then assign a rotation for the job. I went to library, where Eggsy had been set up a small station, copying King’s favourite poems. He looked up and saw me and I gave a bow. I well outranked him, but there was just…I wanted to show him value?” Merlin couldn’t find the right word. “An underscribe and I bowed more than I had for King in years. If Harry had seen me he would have laughed. The lad laughed a little, but also flushed. And I was charmed. He said, _please Captain tell me that King is demanding that of you along with wasting your time._ I told him that he could never be a waste of anyone’s time. He laughed and said that that would be put to the test. And sure enough it was a useless task, walking with him in the stalls as he looked for feathers for a quill. He purchased some and made everyone smile. He was kind. You never expected someone attached so closely to King to be kind. When we returned, he admitted that none quite suited his needs but he didn’t want the time to have been completely for naught.”

“Did you say that it wasn’t for naught for you?” Roxy asked softly when Merlin fell silent. The man was lost in the memories and he was haunted. Beautifully haunted if that was an option.

“No, I called him a fool for wasting his money thusly and left him to his writing. I was called away and Harry watched over Eggsy. I cannot even explain why but I brought him home a half dozen feathers I found on my travels. James told me he began to use them write away.” Merlin closed his eyes. “And then he sent me, via Harry his first letter.”

Roxy didn’t dare ask what the letter said, she thought the words of it might cut Merlin more than any blade could. “Is that one of the letters Charlie found on Harry?”

“No,” Merlin said. “No that is one that was kept safe. That is kept safe.” Merlin stood. The water had grown tepid. “You should see Harry, he’ll have an ointment for your muscles.”

“Is there a book here, written in his hand?”

“Ask Harry for one,” Merlin said and strode from the room, wrapping a towel around his waist as he went. Roxy was trying to figure out what to do about the water when Harry returned.

He tapped a few rocks and they moved out. “The water will seep out, into the soil. Can’t use this pit more than once a week, or the water doesn’t drain.” He put a shirt and pair of leggings down for her and put out the fire. Roxy dried off and dressed. “How do your arms feel?”

“Better, but the thought of doing it again tomorrow has them aching.” She rolled her shoulders and they were stiff. She couldn’t fathom how she’d feel later.

“Rub this on them every few hours, it will help. So will a glass or two of mead with supper.”

Roxy walked out with Harry. “What were they like together?”

“They were luminous,” Harry said. “They tried to hard to hide it, and I honestly don’t know how King missed it, because they didn’t have to touch or speak. All they had to do was look at each other and you knew you were seeing what God wanted us to be for each other. Why he created us with the capacity to love. You looked at them and caught a glimpse of what pure joy feels like. It touched everyone near them. Kissed them the way the sun kisses a flower’s petals.”

“Do you have any books here in Eggsy’s hand?” Roxy asked.

Harry nodded and took her to the study. He gestured to a shelf. “There,” he said. “Stew will be ready in a couple hours. Your company will be welcome.”

“You speak of God so reverently and yet you turned from him to perform magic,” Roxy said. “Is it worth it? Will it be worth it?”

“God will either forgive me or he won’t. But he demanded his angels be good soldiers and stay at his side. I think He’ll understand that I will serve my Captain until the end.”

“I cannot put that much love into anyone, not man, not God,” she said. “And that is all He wants from us, so perhaps, I’ll at least keep you company eventually.”

“Your company would be well met,” Harry said. “Read whatever you like. No written word in this room is off limits.”

Roxy pulled a few slim volumes off the shelf and went to sit in the window seat. The light was still strong even though the sun had moved a fair bit across the sky. She could see down in the courtyard, Merlin practicing with a great sword, a straw dummy fallen at his feet. The strength in the man was incredible.

She opened the volume and the writing was beautiful. The letters were crisp and well formed, small drawings on the edges, not a drop of spilled ink. She read the play and smiled at the happy ending. A marriage. She realized that was something no one in this keep would have. She picked up the second volume and something fell out. She picked up the paper and not really thinking, unfolded it.

_Merlin,_

_Dearest Merlin,_

_My Dearest Merlin,_

_My Merlin,_

_What tidings suit you best, is it too bold to call you mine?_

_Let me bold, my love. Let me shout on this page, what we cannot speak out loud._

_Let this paper say what we cannot. Let me hear, call you mine and pretend that everyone feels that word in their souls. A press against their hearts, let them know that somewhere, someone was declared as belonging to another, in a way most can only dream. Let everyone for a moment close their eyes and whisper the word my even though they know not why they do it._

_Say my. Tomorrow when you guard me at church, somehow say the word my, Merlin, and I will know you are declaring me yours. Just as I now on this page call you mine._

_Forever. My Merlin._

_Your, Eggsy_

Roxy wiped a tear away and slid the letter back into the book. She could read no more, just stared out the window until Harry called her for supper. They ate and drank, and talked of Harry’s time as a recruit. They shied away from the real topic at hand. They lingered in the kitchen until they heard a wolf’s cry and then some footsteps.

Eggsy walked into the kitchen arm in a sling. “Oi, someone going to feed me then?” he asked.

“It would be my pleasure,” Roxy said and put far too much emphasis on the word my. She winced and looked at Eggsy.

He had a faint smile around his mouth and Roxy could understand how it drew Merlin in. “Oh, found something interesting didn’t we?”

Roxy put a bowl of stew in front of him. “I have a feeling that there is much more to find.”

“So much more,” Eggsy agreed and tucked into the food. Harry watched them both. “You want to know the big secret Roxy?”

“I do,” she said. “I have to.” She paused. “Wait, I already know the big secret.”

“No, the big secret, is how we keep going, how it is our love hasn’t died. That is the true secret.” Eggsy looked at her. “I’ll tell you.” They all heard the wolf howl. “After I take a walk.”

“Were you ever frightened of him, in his wolf form?” Roxy said, sure she knew what the answer was.

“Of course I was, big giant black wolf who tackles you when he sees you walking on two legs? Of course I was terrified enough to piss my leggings.” Eggsy grinned. “Didn’t he love having to wash those the next day, for scaring me like that.”

Harry snickered and Roxy had to laugh as well.

“If you want to understand, you’ll have to read more. Harry give her the packet.”

“Merlin hasn’t agreed.”

“Their mine just as much as his Harry’s,” Eggsy said. His voice hardened. “My orders stand as much as his in this. And I say give her the packet.” Harry gave him a nod and Eggsy winked at Roxy. “Need to go get terrified now.”

Roxy watched him leave and looked to Harry. “What packet?”

“The letters of theirs that King didn’t find,” Harry said.

“Oh,” Roxy thought of the one that had been left in the book and wondered if she would survive reading more, but knowing that she would read every single word.

“You need rest,” Harry said. “They’ll be waiting for you in the morning.”

“But,” Roxy tried to protest, she wanted to talk to Eggsy more.

“Rest, they won’t find us for a while. There is time.”

Roxy went to her room and when she awoke in the morning there was a small pile of letters tied together. She touched the one on top and prayed her heart would remain whole by the end of her reading.


	8. Chapter 8

"You haven't read the letters," Merlin said to her as they carried the buckets up and down the steps. True to word it had switched to sand. She hated it so much, but she did it. She wanted to push him off that he could talk so easily while she struggled for breath but she didn't have the strength. 

"No, haven't," she agreed and made it to the top and back down again. She hated those buckets more than anything ever. Even more than King and Charlie, right now.

"That is enough of that," Merlin said and she put them down in relief and shook her arms out. "Lie on your back on the ground."

Roxy learned yesterday not to question Merlin's orders and lay on her back. Frankly it felt good.

"Arms and legs in the air," Merlin ordered and soon she was holding a large piece of wood up. Bit odd but no big deal. A bucket was put in the middle. Merlin poured in water. "Keep that from spilling as long as ye can."

"That doesn't seem bad," Roxy said.

"Just wait," he told her and sat on the ground next to her.

It didn't take Roxy long to realize how her muscles were tiring and the wood wobbled but she righted it quickly. "No tricks?"

"No tricks, just as long as you can, so we know how that is, so that tomorrow you can go longer."

"Why?"

"What if you have to hold a shot ready for a signal, and are told to hold it, to wait. Can you? Or will your muscles falter, shake, and ruin your aim?" Merlin watched her arms and legs. "Hold," he told her.

"It's going to fall," she whispered, strained.

"No, ye won't let it. I have given ye an order. Hold."

It hurt, it hurt so much, but she held even as her limbs shook. Her breath came out in short, harsh gasps, and she hoped Harry had more of that ointment. Her one knee gave out.

"Hold!" he barked at her and Roxy used her shin to hold the board up.

"Burn in hell," she hissed at him. But she held.

Merlin stood a moment later and picked the board up off her. "Good work, ye have an hour rest and then you'll do forms with Harry." He poured the water over her and it felt like a relief. He helped her stand and they went to a bench. He handed her some bread and took a hunk for himself as well. "Why haven't you read the letters? Eggsy wants you to, wants you to understand."

"Now, we're talking about this now?"

"It's been three days since they were given to you and we have less than a week before we have to move on." They both heard the cry above them and looked up. "He flies better each day. Once he is at full strength we will move."

"You are safe here, why move?"

"They'll be hunting us now," Merlin said. "And it is time."

"Time?"

Merlin just shook his head. "So why haven't you read them?"

Roxy tore the bread into little bits, ate them slowly. "They are too private?" It was partly the truth. "And they scare me. They'll hurt. More than what you do to me in this courtyard."

"A Kingsman cannae be a coward," Merlin said. He kept his eyes above them, on Eggsy flying. " _Merlin, what colour are your eyes, because I am sure they are magic. Every time I look at them, I see different flecks of colour. They change like the sky, they change with your mood. Do you know how much time I have spent watching your eyes? Green, brown, when you are furious they are almost black. I see forest and soil and night in your eyes. If they were blue I would say I could drown in them. Happily drown in them. But with the green, the brown, I would walk through them, lay down in their softness, left it envelop me. You so rarely smile with your mouth, but your eyes smile. At Harry, at a perfectly hit target, and I thought I once saw them smile for me. Do they? Merlin you take me to the market again on the morrow, let your eyes smile at me, so that I know I do not imagine the feeling growing between us. Eggsy._ "

Roxy listened to him and ached, there was no smile in his eyes or on his lips. He just watched as Eggsy flew and returned to his room, exhausted. "What did you reply?" she asked.

"That did he wish it, that if it would bring him but the smallest measure of joy all my smiles from that moment on would be his alone," Merlin stood up. "Rest, Harry will work you hard soon enough."

"Have I seen you smile?" Roxy wondered aloud, "You've smiled at the hawk, I am sure of it."

"The only thing that will make me smile is him, and the day I kill Chester King. I need to check on Eggsy."

Roxy watched him leave and thought about how easily he remembered that one letter. She wondered how many he had memorized, was it all in that stack, was it every they sent to each other? She stood and her muscles seized a little but she kept moving willing them to work, and then when she was almost sure she would drop a sword she went to the armory. She picked a weapon and went back out to the courtyard and practiced her shoulder draw. Merlin's eyes were green. Attractive but nothing magical like how those words described. To love someone enough to see that much in a pair of eyes? That was not something she understood. She practiced several times, working through the pain in her body.

"You've improved," Harry called down to her. "Today we will work on battle positions." He went to the armory and returned with a sword of his own.

Roxy looked at him. "Your eye has a colour to it," she said.

"Well, yes, most have pigment to them," Harry said, a touch confused. "Well noticed."

"Eggsy saw millions of things in Merlin's eyes. I see a colour."

"You aren't in love with me," Harry pointed out. "Love makes you see millions of unexpected things."

"Does it?" Roxy shrugged and copied Harry's stance. "It makes you weak."

Harry gave her a look, "Do you think Eggsy weak? Merlin weak?"

Her gaze lifted to the tower. "Weakness of a sort."

"Pray that you one day have the strength they do. To love truly, is a courageous act. Move your leg back a little." Harry took her through some paces and her hands were numb by the end. "You have potential," he told her and Roxy felt herself flush in pleasure that the greatest lieutenant of the Kingsman saw potential in her. It was all she had ever wanted. "Merlin will have prepared one of the small tubs for your muscles, go soothe them."

Roxy gave him a small bow and put her weapon away. She went into the keep and could smell the flowers that were put in the bathing water. She went to the room and sure enough buckets of warm water were waiting. She poured them into the tub and sank in; it did soothe and revive her. When the water began to cool she went to her room and looked at the stack of letters. Roxy picked up the first one and it wasn't very illuminating.

_Captain Merlin,_

_I thank you for your company today. I know that you are a busy man and the guards rotate the foolish task of going to market or to church with me. I was just wondering when you would be up in the rotation again. I wish to continue our conversation._

_Eggsy_

Not exactly a stunning moment of love, she thought. 

_Eggsy,_

_I found our conversation interesting as well. Lieutenant Hart has requested to be the one to take our men on a matter of small urgency. I will be the only to attend to you for the next fortnight. I trust our future conversations will be as interesting as our last._

_Merlin_

Roxy smiled a bit. Harry requested her arse, Merlin was arranging it and King was puffed up enough to believe that Merlin was just doing it to be in his good graces. There are mentions of conversations had and the tone shifts, becomes a lot more personal and then the letter about Merlin's eyes is there and she realizes that that was their first declaration of feeling. She lifted up the next letter, curious as to what Merlin left out when he told her about it.

_Eggsy,_

_Just one word from you, one smile tomorrow, and I promise that from that moment forward all my smiles will be for you alone._

_Merlin_

Turned out, he hadn't left out anything, just slightly different wording. She had to smile at that, it fit what she had learned about the man. She read a few more, and the letters grew softer, fonder.

She could feel the smiles in the letters. Her stomach rumbled and she went down to the kitchens and Harry gave her some food. "No Merlin?"

"He's napping, he often sleeps right before the change," Harry explained. He looked at her. "You've been reading."

"A little," she agreed.

"And?"

"They are letters of affection, of growing feeling, but hundreds of those have been written," she said. "I don't understand how their love damned them. What made it different?"

"It was forbidden, it was...honest," was the word that Harry was able to come up with. "There was no prestige to their love, no alliances to be made, no benefit but the feeling it brought to them. It was just two men who saw forever in each other."

"Many loves are like that," Roxy protested, "The bards sing of it constantly."

"Read more," Harry suggested. "It may change your mind or may not. But think. What would you do if you were cursed. Would your love endure?"

Roxy couldn't even try to picture it. "I don't know," she said.

"Their hearts remain true. How many could say that?" Harry asked. "Neither in the years that have fallen have bedded another, so much as looked at a person, their bodies and their souls belong to one another. And will until the day they die."

"It must hurt them so much," she said.

"Ye get used to the pain," Merlin said. He looked at her. " _Merlin, when the sky is still black and all I see is stars, I can feel when the dawn will arrive. I love summer because the nights are short and I feel your loss beside me for a few hours less. I get to spend the day flying and lost in instinct. But you endure, you walked and eat, and live those long days carrying the burden of our love. I wish my soul could love the winter so that I could carry that weight for us, but I remember you never let me carry so much as a quill feather when we were together. And now you carry me on your arm, when I tire of flying and need rest. You carry too much. But I will carry your soul in me for all eternity. And there will be a day I carry us both, and I will not falter my love. I will never drop you. Your Eggsy."_

"Does he carry you?" Roxy asked.

Merlin gave a small bow of his head. "He does, more than he realizes." He squeezed Harry's shoulder and disappeared.

"You looked tired," Harry told her.

"Well I have two dead men whipping me into shape," Roxy joked. "Harry, why are two dead men whipping me into shape? And don't say it is because of my potential. I hold no potential while my death warrant is signed. While King and Charlie hunt me."

"You carry potential, it shines out of you," Harry said, "But we train you because that is what we were good at, and you remind us. It helps to remember who we once were."

"There is more." She was sure of it.

"They carry the weight, every day, and every day it gets a little heavier. I have spoken to angels and devils alike, and they all agree, the time is soon to change that weight." Harry poured a glass of mead. "You'll know soon enough, but you aren't ready yet."

"Are you making me ready?"

Harry gave her a slight smile. "I really do see your uncles in you."

"Merlin wants to kill King. I want to kill Charlie. What do you want?"

"To see the curse end," Harry replied.

"I'll fucking drink to that," Eggsy said from the door. He grinned as he heard a howl. "Oh someone is grumpy tonight. That means the training is going horrible or very well."

"Why would training going well be a bad thing?" Roxy asked.

"Not a clue, but he's always grumpy when his men do well. It's a Merlin thing," Eggsy waved a hand. "I'll never understand soldiers."

"And yet you find yourself surrounded by them," Harry said.

"Harry, you are no soldier, you are a witch now, completely different."

"Still looks like a soldier to me," Roxy said softly.

Harry gave her a bow and decided to leave the two of them alone.

"I was sentenced to death because of the two of you," Roxy said into the quiet. "I just realized. What I overheard King and Charlie talking about, it made no sense, but it was about the two of you. I was going to die, because of you, for you, and I didn't even know what they were talking about."

"I am sorry for that," Eggsy said to her. "I am. King," he had to pause, to struggle for the right words. "He was good once, or at least good enough. I don't know why he became obsessed with me. I'm fair enough, but there are more beautiful men. I have steady hands and a beautiful script yes, but that can be taught. I am not special to have brought about so much misery." Eggsy got up and got some food. "I wish I mattered as much as others believed, then I could make sense of it all. Instead I just live. I take each day and endure."

"How long?" Roxy asked. "Truly how long did you and Merlin have when you knew you were in love and before the curse?"

"Not even a year," he told her. "Ten months, thereabouts."

"And years of the curse, so much more than what you had? And still you love?" 

"I could never do anything but love him," Eggsy told her. " _Eggsy I'll never have your gift for words. Every letter I find in the dawn from you, each word is cherished. I miss you as a sword does its sheath. I am a ship without sail without you beside me, not being able to rest my lips against yours. But I close my eyes and kiss my lips to your words and for a moment I swear by the Lord, that I can feel you, smell you. Hear your heartbeat. Since they are all I have I will love your words as I loved you. They will be written on my heart and in my mind and I will never let them go, just as I should have never let you go. Your Merlin."_

"You have them memorized as well?"

"I was a scribe, knowing words was my job. And we have a lot of spare time in our travels. I've copied all our letters thrice, so that the originals do not fall apart." Eggsy laughed at that a little. "He's a romantic you know. In that soldier's skin, lies a poet, a dreamer."

"No, I think that all his dreams are for you."

"It is fair, all mine are for him." Eggsy finished his food. "I'm going to see him. Want to come?"

"Thank you, no, I want to read a little more."

"Well be careful which you read, some of the letters might make for restless sleep," Eggsy gave her a wink and went out to the sounds of a low howl.

Roxy took candles up to her room and picked a letter at random.

 _I am scared when I wake and do not have your arms around me_.

She put it down and blew out the candles. It was enough reading for the night.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm back to this story!

“Harry?” Roxy stared at him in surprise, “I am not ready.”

“No, you aren’t but time is of the essence,” Harry replied. “Something is coming. I can feel it. We might not have the few days we hoped for.”

“Do you see the future?”

“No, the future is unwritten, but I can see...possibilities, and those possibilities suggest we need to stop working on your forms and strength, and switch to practice.” Harry held his sword. “Come at me.”

Roxy took a breath and went on the attack, and of course he easily had her on the ground, but she rolled and came back up. She moved into position and ignored the way his faint smile of pride warmed her belly and attacked again. He called out instructions about her feet and angles and she adjusted; there was a brief moment where she pushed him back before he knocked her down hard. She had no breath and was going to be bruised but she pushed herself back up and took her stance.

“Good,” Harry said. “Oh but you shine. What we would have done with you. You would have stood at my side.”

“That was where my uncle stood.” Roxy swallowed, “You honour me too much.”

“No, I think in time, you would be even better than them.” Harry gave her a bow. “I need to continue my preparations. Merlin will take over.” 

Roxy didn’t appreciate the way Harry laughed at whatever face she was making. Roxy took the few moments alone to drink some water and stretch muscles. She heard a cry in the air and looked up to see the hawk. She smiled, he was flying well today, the wing was almost healed. He took a sharp turn in the air and dove down. Roxy held up an arm to shield her face sure he lost control and felt a heavy weight attach to her. When she opened her eyes, the hawk was happily sitting on her arm.

“He favours you,” Merlin said coming down the steps. “It is a long time since he had a friend. Even if I wasn’t enjoying your company, I would love you for what you give him.”

Roxy looked at the hawk. “And do you not consider me a friend to you as well?” She pet his breast and smiled at the way he leaned into her. “I would be glad to be considered such.” She moved her arm a little and he hopped off and switched to Merlin. 

“Then we are friends,” Merlin agreed. “Ready to fight?”

“You?” Roxy shook her head, “Not even a little.” But she took her stance anyways. She blinked when Merlin gave her a blinding smile. “I thought those all belonged to him.” It made her realize that the captain was an attractive man.

“Friends are an exception,” he said. “First we shoot.” They went to the targets and practiced and she was a fair hand with her crossbow and the other bow he gave her. The longbow she still could not draw on her own, though she managed to pull it a little more back than even yesterday. Each day just a little more though she wasn’t even at half draw yet.

“Good,” he said simply. He lined himself up beside her and helped her do a full pull. “Feel that? The burn in your shoulder?”

“Fire,” she managed to say. With his help it shouldn’t hurt this much, but it was Merlin he wasn’t helping as much as he could have. 

“Don’t ignore the pain, use it, become the fire ye are lass. Let it roll through you, push you, forge you.” Merlin let go and for a moment, just a moment she held the draw on her own before she let go with a scream of agony. The arrow barely held, but it did hit the target. “Well done,” he said. “Now we work with swords.”

“Changed my mind. Not your friend,” she gasped. “Hate you.”

“Very well,” Merlin replied.

She flipped him off with fingers that had string marks. “Let me use a fucking guard just once, and I’ll show you how good I am.”

“And in battle when ye cannot reach for your guard?” he asked. “We train for every possibility.”

“Yes sir,” she snarled.

“I enjoy how that sounds like fuck you,” he told her. “Swords. Today we can indulge and use the pit for washing up.”

That perked her up a little and she tried to fight him though it went even more poorly than it had gone with Harry. But she roared and cursed and got up every single time he knocked her down. When she thought she couldn’t, Roxy pictured Charlie’s face as she killed him and that put her on her feet once more. She never made him stumble but he was giving his all, and she supposed that was something.

“Enough for today,” Merlin said and Roxy collapsed. “Enough means practice, clean and put your weapons away.”

“Really hate you,” she said. But he helped her up and did more than his fair share of the work. She stumbled on the fourth step and he easily scooped her up and took her to the under levels where Harry was finishing the water. “I love that smell,” she said. She managed to take her clothes off on her own and slid into the sweet water. Merlin was soon naked and to her surprise, Harry. “You join us? What toil have you been up to?”

Harry held out his arm and she saw the cuts and the ink that covered it. “Trying to make sense of what I am seeing.”

“And?” Merlin asked.

“You hurt yourself so?” Roxy stared at the cuts. She couldn't imagine doing that.

“You hurt yourself in your training, we are hurt in battle. This is naught,” Harry said. “Someone is coming. It does not feel like Charlie. But they are in shadow. They stalk ever nearer. We should be ready to move in two days.”

“I thought we were here for four, the magic you have cast must protect us,” she protested. Roxy was scared of moving. Of whatever came next.

“Face your future square on, soldier,” Merlin snapped and Roxy felt her spine straighten.

“Yes, sir,” she said.

“I will travel with you,” Harry said.

“The company will be welcome,” Roxy replied. “Where do we travel, further north?” She could not picture how cold that journey would be.

“No,” Merlin said. “It is time to travel south. I am going to kill Chester King.” 

Roxy was startled to hear it so plainly said. “That will be difficult.”

“Perhaps, but it will happen all the same. Excuse me.” Merlin stepped out of the pit and didn’t even bother drying off before leaving.

“It will lead to his death. King will be heavily guarded,” Roxy looked to Harry, “Can you not stop him?”

“Why do you think I travel with you?” Harry snapped. “He isn’t listening to me. I think...there may be a way to break the curse, but I am not done reading the portents, and since I cannot provide fact, he does not listen.”

“You can break the curse?”

“No,” Harry looked destroyed but not completely. There was a small sliver of hope in his eyes. “But they may be able to.”

***************************************

Roxy sat in the window and looked out. The moon lit a figure walking and she could hear a howl. The two met and continued into the woods. She still feared Merlin in wolf form just a little. But to be fair she feared him as a human as well.

Roxy reached for the stack of letters and knocked a few over. She’d have to bend over to get them and her ribs hurt too much so she went to the next in the pile.

 

_ Merlin, _

_ I was not completely naive. I heard men talk, I’ve seen the sketches that get passed around. You were not my first kiss, the first bare chest I had touched. But the first feel of your callused fingers against my skin and I forgot all other touches, forgot everything I had read about love making. I have seen you break men into pieces, walk away from a field of battle blood on your lips, darkness in your eyes and when you touch me it is a whisper, a glance that sends sparks down my spine, makes me ache in my gut. _

_ My fingers must feel so soft against your skin. Are you accustomed to a soft touch? Who has warmed your bed before me? Who will warm it when we are done? _

_ I dreamt of you last night, of your fingers pulling down my leggings, touching me intimately. I know my own touch, more since you and I came together. No one has touched me there. What will happen, Merlin? Will you still be so soft, so gentle? Will you become overwhelmed by passion? Will you overwhelm me? _

_ I want you to overwhelm me. _

_ I want to overwhelm you. _

_ Teach me everything Merlin so that I can overwhelm you. _

_ Eggsy _

 

Roxy gulped and wondered if she should stop reading, these letters were very private. Very, very private. But Eggsy had said she could, and Merlin as well. They had to have known such was in the stack. She looked out the window and couldn’t even see the shapes of them, well into the woods. She reached for the next letter and prayed it was not a shopping list.

 

_ Eggsy, _

 

_ Others have warmed my bed before you? Perhaps but since the first touch of our bare skin to one another, since I held your warmth, felt your heartbeat against mine, I remember no one but you. And I need you to remove other unpleasant thoughts from your head, because I have promised you this, and I meant it. And I will mean it until the day I die. _

_ No other will ever be in my bed again. _

_ I am yours, my love. _

_ My soul, my heart, and my body are all yours. Until the end. _

_ My hands are so rough in comparison to yours, my life is so rough. I do not want that to taint you, to harm you. I worry that I could break you and so I am gentle. You are the only one to make me want to be gentle. To take the time we so seldom have. I want to undress you, peel each layer from your skin. In the sun. We are always in shadows, hidden in corners, but for our first time, I will see you lit by light; you are such a creature of light. _

_ You know I do not attend church as I ought, but I am a worshipful man, and I swear to the kind lord above, that made you so well, that you will be worshipped. In words, in touch, in kiss. Each kiss I lay on your skin will be a prayer of wonder and thanks. Each touch, a benediction to the grace bestowed on us.  _

_ My fingers are rough, but my mouth is not, and I will kiss you everywhere Eggsy. Your lips, your jaw, your stomach, and yes your cock. I want your cock in my mouth, Eggsy. I would suck and lick you hard, and listen to the noises you make. The pleasure of that would distract you from worrying when I big to touch you other places. I cannot promise it will be comfortable, but I would never hurt you, my love. I will be slow and patient and make you feel things you cannot imagine. _

_ Eggsy, I will make you see heaven when I press my body into yours.  _

_ Harry and I are making a plan. A weekend, dearest. A whole weekend for you and I without interruption. _

_ I will think of you tonight. _

_ Merlin _

  
  


Roxy felt flushed. She had read more sensual things, what was passed around the barracks was rather vulgar, and she supposed that was the difference. Those stories were lurid, this was romantic. There was the heart in the lust and that made it more powerful for her. She yawned and knew she had to go to bed, for she doubted that training would stop just because they were packing to leave. She reached for just one more letter.

 

_ Merlin, _

_ I can still feel you. Days later, as I sit at my table and copy one of King’s horrid speeches I swear I can still feel your fingers on my hips, the way you touched my spine. The kisses linger on my thighs, a tingle in the fine hairs. If I think too long on what we did three days ago, a flush arises on my skin and I have to go to the garderobe and touch myself otherwise I cannot concentrate on my work. I spill into the cloth you used to clean me after our first time. Such an absurd thing to have kept, but turns out rather a necessity. _

_ When we have the time again, I want to use my mouth on you. I want to touch you more, I want to wrap my fingers around your length and watch your face. I won’t even look at your cock because I do not want to miss a single moment of pleasure on your face as you spill over my  hands and then I will lick them clean. _

_ One day, we will have the time to spend a week, no a month in bed. I will know every single spot of skin, my love. One day your body will have no secrets for me, and I will erase the memories and start all over again. And again. Until we die. _

_ Eggsy _

 

Roxy put the letter down and sighed. They had so little time together, and so much apart, and they kept going.

Merlin wanted to kill King.

Harry wanted to save them.

Perhaps in the end both could be done.

It was painful moving, but she gathered the letters and put them in the table and blew out her candles. Tomorrow would be a busy day. She heard a howl just below her window and a low laugh. She would see her friends have the time they should have had.


	10. Chapter 10

“Wake up.”

Roxy groaned as Eggsy whispered in her ear and nudged her. “No,” she said. “Tired from helping Harry pack.”

“You have to see the sky right now.”

“What time is it? And what did I do to make you hate me?” Roxy did not lift her head from the pillow.

“Fine if you don’t want to see magic, then I guess I’ll just watch it alone,” Eggsy said.

“Watch it with your pet,” she rolled over.

“Merlin never cared about the stars, and he can't be found right now,” Eggsy complained. “Come on Roxy. Real magic.”

“Harry doesn’t let us watch his magic, doesn’t want our souls damned like his.” Roxy had opened an eye though; she was dreadfully curious about what it is that Harry did.

She flinched at the sad smile Eggsy gave her. “Roxy, you think any of our souls are worth being redeemed?”

Roxy reached out and touched his cheek. “Yours is, dear boy.”

Eggsy’s smiled softened, lightened, “Are you not two years younger than me?”

Roxy just shrugged and sat up. She had a feeling no matter what she said, Eggsy would not let her go back to sleep. “Magic?”

“Magic,” he promised her.

Roxy sat up and dressed in her breeches and shirt, and grabbed the furs from her bed. It would be cold outside and the furs would keep her warmer than a cloak. “I am ready,” she said and stifled a yawn. And then another. Roxy followed Eggsy through the keep to where she trained with Harry and Merlin. There were a few small bales of hay and a blanket over them. She looked around. “I see no magic, and I see no Harry.” She turned to him, “I will stab you.”

“Just lie on the blankets there and look up,” Eggsy told her and went to them and lay down. He was looked up at the sky. “Look, Roxy, and wonder.”

Roxy lay down and covered herself in the furs, she could see her breath. Nothing was worth whatever time it was. She looked up and gasped. “The stars are not fixed!” She watched as they shot across the sky, so many moving, dashing across the sky, racing to some unknown point.

“They are dancing,” Eggsy said happily.

“Running,” she countered. “Are they running to, or away?”

“Sometimes both take you to the same place,” Eggsy said. He reached and Roxy let him take her fingers. They both heard a howl in the distance. “He is restless tonight.”

Roxy watched the stars fly across this sky and listened to the howling in the woods beyond the keep. “He sounds different tonight.”

“I know,” Eggsy said softly. “One of the nights he sounds more like the animal.”

“You can tell a difference?”

“He has a hundred howls and growls and each tells a different tale,” Eggsy said. “There,” he pointed to the wall of the keep.

“He’s naked,” Roxy said, “He’ll freeze his bloody bollocks off.” Roxy watched as Harry stood there, the moon and stars shining on his pale skin. He was covered in scars, some from battle, others not, though she couldn’t understand how they would have happened. And he was marked. Painted like the wild people in stories before the Romans tamed the land. Though even the Romans could not break Scotland. Mayhap there were still painted people here. But the marks did not have the shine of paint. “Is he tattooed?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy said. “Couple years ago, I guess?” He looked to Harry who picked up a chalice and held it to the sky. “When he protected this place, he did something and then they appeared on his skin. Magic is a fearsome and painful burden.”

“Then why does he do it? He could protect you just as well with his sword.” Roxy looked to the armory. “We have enough here to outfit, well, the Kingsman.”

“King threw himself onto the altar of evil and wickedness, all for my arse.” Eggsy sighed. He watched as Harry moved, adding things to the cup, chanting. “And he damned himself in order to damn us. Harry decided to damn himself to try to protect how he could not as a soldier. It is a gift we can never repay.”

“I want to be a soldier, but I do not have that level of devotion in me, no one does.” Roxy watched as the stars in the sky chased each other but a few slowed. She stared in astonishment as a few twisted and danced down into the cup that Harry held. Their shine surrounded him, encased him and when he drank from the cup, he glowed. He was magnificent, he was terrifying. Roxy had to cross herself, in awe and fear. Harry walked along the wall and descended. Roxy watched at the bottom as he dressed and then came over to them.

“Make room for a chilled man?” he asked.

“You are a fool to stand naked in this air, at night,” Roxy told him, “I’ll not have your cold skin against mine.” But even as she said it, she was holding a fur up for him. She wrapped him tight when he lay next to them. The stars were stilling in the sky again. “What were you doing?” She was incredibly curious.

“Drawing strength and protection for the journey ahead,” Harry replied. “Pulling the history of the world to myself, to gain insight and knowledge.” He turned his head to them and smiled, “And of course letting you young folks see what a truly spectacular arse looks like.”

Roxy burst into laughter, the loudest laugh she had had since her arrival. “Oh you think it is that amazing, do you? What wench has told you lies to get more silver from your pocket?” She smiled at him. He was very attractive for a man who was older than her father would have been if he lived. But he was also the sort that if she let him know that perhaps he grew on her, she’d never hear the end of it.

“Sorry, Harry, but I’ve seen Merlin’s arse, your flat bottom does nothing for me.” Eggsy looked to the stars, “May the heavens grant me one day that I see it again.”

Roxy squeezed his hand, “It is a curse right, that King put on you?”

“It is,” Eggsy said, “why?”

“Because this is a fairy tale. And in those, someone is always true enough of heart to break a curse.” Roxy leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Is there a heart purer than yours in all of Christendom?”

Her heart felt light at the way he smiled, “It is easy to stay true, when your heart is held by one such as Merlin.” 

The stars were finished their dance, but Roxy found herself reluctant to return to her bed. It was cozy under the furs and between the two men. She made a noise of complaint when Harry stood, but he went to the odd contraption in the court and soon a large fire blazed in the basin and he returned. She heard the howl. “He sounds better, perhaps he did not like the stars coming to meet him.”

“He never did do well with strangers,” Eggsy said. He yawned. “Bloody miracle he has taken to you the way he has.”

“He likes me because you and I have become friends,” Roxy said, “he told me thus.”

“You never pay attention to what he says,” Eggsy explained, “You pay attention to what he does.”

“You mean the daily torture, I am pretty sure that indicates a distinct lack of liking.”

“If he did not care for you, he’d ignore you,” Harry told her. “You’d not exist for him. That he trains you, talks to you beyond the training? He likes you Roxy.”

Roxy looked to Harry, “And do you? Like me?”

Harry did not meet her gaze, “You are an admirable young woman.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Roxy pointed out. 

“I admire very few things in this world,” he added.

Roxy decided that a simple, yes you are are likable and I like you would have been too much for him. “I find you an admirable old man,” she told him and enjoyed the way Harry snorted at that. The three watched the stars and drifted off.

A sharp howl awoke them, the most terrifying scream she had heard from Merlin as wolf to date. She jumped up and reached for a weapon but had none at hand. But still, she was a soldier and there was one who was not. Roxy immediately moved in front of Eggsy who had also awoken and was going for the gate, and raised her fists. “Harry?” But he was not around. She looked and could see no danger. “Eggsy into the keep.”

“Merlin, he is injured,” Eggsy said. “That is not a good sound.”

“You are not going to an injured wolf,” she said.

“You cannot stop me!” Eggsy tried to move past her but they both froze at the sound of hooves on the lane. “What?”

“Stay behind me,” she ordered. “And we move to the keep.” Roxy kept her eyes moving and her guard up as she stepped backwards. There was a banging on the gate. “I think we will ignore that summons.” She moved them further back. The walls were easily seen, the sky was slowly lightening up. “If Merlin is injured, he has to just last a little longer. With the dawn we will be better able to help him. Your eyes will find him quicker.”

“If we can escape,” Eggsy said. The gate was shaking with the hammering that was against it.

“It is a keep there are always secret exits,” she said. We get inside and bar the door and find one.” They were at the steps. “Go!” she ordered and Eggsy ran up the steps but at the door a woman was waiting.

“Hello,” she said, an unknown accent giving the words a lilt, “Chester has been looking for you, Eggsy.”

“How do you know my name?”

Roxy moved in front of him. “You have no business here,” she told the other woman. In the early dawn light, she could see the other woman was beautiful, but there was an air about her, a smell of death.

“I have every business here,” the woman replied and she stepped forward and there was an odd sound of metal as she did so. “You were hard to find, the magic here strong. But it isn’t as strong as me.” She flung out a hand and Roxy and Eggsy went flying down the steps. It was a long way down and Roxy was surprised that it did not feel like there were any broken bones. She hurt though, oh how she hurt, but she crawled to Eggsy.

“Eggsy, we need to get up,” she said.

“Hurts, Roxy,” he replied.

“I know, honey, but we have to get up.” She heard the crack of wood and the gates broke and Charlie and 4 other soldiers rode through. The sky was so light now, though the sun still could not be seen. Charlie advanced to them, and the woman was coming down the stairs. Roxy gathered herself and stood in front of Eggsy. She raised her fists again, “Really? Pathetic magic, and cheap sell swords, is that all you have to take me on?”

“Sell swords?” Charlied roared, “I am the captain of the guard!”

“You are a weak and pitiable boy playing at Captain. Captain Merlin is the true and right guard to the Ross and I will see him have his vengeance against you and King if it is the last thing I do.”

“No, those words are the last thing you do,” the woman said and she began to chant, repulsive words that tried to claw into Roxy. They tried to pull Roxy down but she fought to stay up. She had to keep Eggsy safe. A Kingsman protected the innocent.

“You have some strength,” the woman was clearly surprised. She pushed more power out of herself and towards Roxy.

Roxy screamed in agony. “I am a Kingsman,” she roared as her thighs shook, as blood poured from her nose. Charlie began to advance and she knew there was little she could do. She saw the fire burning and stumbled to it and knocked it over. The embers swiftly caught to some of the loose hay and began to spread but not fast enough to offer them much protection. Her knees felt like they had been frozen and were going to shatter soon.

But then the fire grew and grew, became a wall between King’s advancing people and her and Eggsy. The magic being directed at her faded, and Roxy collapsed and crawled to Eggsy. “Eggsy, are you okay?” 

He wasn’t looking at her but to the sky, “Come on, come on, I need to find him.”

“Eggsy we need to move,” she said though she didn’t know to where, there was stone wall behind them, and fire to the front. A fire that grew bigger yet, though never closer to them. Roxy got herself up and pulled Eggsy to his feet. “Move.”

There was a roar and the fire began to separate, part like the seas for Moses but then pulled back together. She could hear a clang of swords and realized there was only one way that the fire could have grown like that. “Harry,” she whispered. It began to part again and she could see that woman trying to get through. “Eggsy listen to me, if she gets through, then I will distract and you go through the fire, or climb the wall, anything, do you hear me?”

Eggsy wouldn’t stop looking at the sky. “Please, faster, just this once, come to me faster.”

“Eggsy!” Roxy screamed as the fire parted and the woman began to walk through. Roxy could see Harry fighting the soldiers, it was what stopped him from controlling the fire. 

“You are impressive. I could make you more so,” the woman told Roxy.

“Die in a fire,” Roxy said and ran and pushed the woman back into the flames. She screamed as her hand was licked by the blaze but the woman just laughed as it had no effect on her own skin. 

“You speak the truth, one dies in a fire today, but it is not me,” the woman said and her flesh was wreathed in flame that did not burn and her hand reached for Roxy. Roxy did not pray, ready to meet her death. 

There was a cry, a sound not human behind them and the woman cursed as Eggsy flew up and away. Roxy realized that was why he been watching the sky. She looked up and just saw the tip of the sun. “You failed,” Roxy told her and closed her eyes. 

But she was not thrown into the flame. 

“Let her go,” Harry’s voice was there, velvet in its softness, deadly in its anger. 

Roxy opened her eyes and Harry had an odd blade to the woman’s neck, it hurt to look at, bone and something else, something that seemed both dead and alive. The woman pushed out with her magic, knocking Harry and Roxy down, and then she disappeared.

“We need to move,” Harry told Roxy. “Trust me?”

“Yes,” she said and took the hand that he offered. He pulled and they leapt through the flame, skin untouched. Two soldiers were dead, the others, including Charlie fled. “You need to stop the flames,” she told Harry, “Draw them back.”

“I do that, we lose too much time and we need to find Merlin. Go,” he said and pushed her to the gates.

“No, stop the flames or we lose everything.”

“If we do not go, we lose everything!” he shouted back.

The flames grew and grew and were heading for the main building. “Their letters!” Roxy in that moment did not care about her own safety, or life, she only cared that their record of their love not be destroyed. “We can save them.”

Harry picked her up easily and carried her struggling body to the gate. She punched hard enough that he dropped her and she ran towards the steps, no matter how close the fire was to engulfing them. “Roxy, they carry their love in themselves. And we help them. They don’t need the letters, they need the curse broken!”

Roxy stopped and stared at the flames. “It is all they have,” she whispered.

Harry came up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “They have us.”

Roxy wiped a tear away and nodded. They ran out of the keep and to the horses that Harry had readied when he had had a premonition of trouble. He drove the wagon, and Roxy mounted a light and fast mount. She looked to the skies and saw the hawk flying in a tight circle and she rode in that direction. “Merlin,” she called when she found him, a few dead dogs spread in the field. “Merlin are you well?” She swallowed at the look in his eyes.

“We are being hunted now, thoroughly, desperately. They want to hunt me?” His eyes were swimming with rage, his naked skin covered in animal blood, a gash in his shoulder. “I will show them what I have learned in the last few years about hunting.”

There was a cry above them and he held up an arm. The hawk landed on it and looked at Merlin before he rubbed himself against the man, covering himself in the blood before taking off again. Merlin walked to the wagon where Harry handed him a skin.

“We send King and all who support him to the devil, starting now,” Merlin said and poured the water over himself to wash away the blood.

Roxy could smell the smoke from the burning keep and could see it in the sky. The smell of smoke, and blood and pierced animal bowel had her throwing up over the side of her horse. She wondered how much more blood was going to be spilled and prayed it was none of theirs. A damp cloth was pressed to her neck. She looked over and Merlin’s eyes were almost normal again, though hard as steel. He gave her a nod.

“Harry tells me, you protected Eggsy bravely.”

“He is worth protecting,” she managed to say.

Merlin kissed her hand. “My thanks,” he said. He dressed and mounted a horse. “My Kingsman, we ride to our fate.”

Harry gave him a small bow and Roxy found herself doing the same. Merlin had called her a Kingsman. All she had ever dreamed of being, though this was nothing like she could have ever expected.

They headed south, the hawk flying on the air above them, the burning keep and the memories lost there behind them. 


	11. Chapter 11

Roxy was wishing desperately that King or that woman or anyone would curse her. To be able to fly away right now would be a blessing and not damnation. Merlin and Harry had been fighting for two days, almost nonstop and the noise and the back and forth was going to be the death of her. Merlin refused to listen to Harry and Harry instead of trying rationality just kept yelling at the man. The one time she had tried to get them to calm down and not wind each other up, they both threw daggers at her. So she was staying out of it. She would suggest that Harry talk to Eggsy but last night she had not seen him; he came to the camp well after she and Harry were asleep.

She wondered why he avoided them so.

“Why do you take us in this direction? It adds three days to our journey?” Merlin said.

“Because you want to go on the west road, yes? The one that is pitted and overgrown and will break a wheel on the wagon?” Harry snapped back. “It has been how many years you’ve lived with the curse? Three more fucking days to wait to kill King does not seem to matter does it?”

“So we abandon the wagon,” Merlin replied, “Hide it well, and you return to it when you can.”

“We return,” Roxy said softly and held up a leather satchel which stopped the knife thrown at her, “Thank you for the blade, I am growing quite the collection.” She slid it up her sleeve. “But we return.”

Merlin laughed and it was a harsh, cold sound - the utter absence of humour. “We go to kill the Duke of Ross and the Captain of the Guard, in the middle of Ross, in public. I make no bones about what I go to do. Do you think I return from this?”

Roxy stared at him in shock. “You kill yourself in killing them. Even if Uncle Percival wanted, you kill King in the centre of court or the village, there is nothing for you but to be hanged. Provide you are done in by a soldier doing their duty. You choose this, you choose death.”

“Roxy, do you know how weary I am?” Merlin asked.

“We are all weary,” Harry said.

“It is not the same,” Merlin replied.

“And what of Eggsy? Does he know your plan?” Roxy was sure that Eggsy had to object to this as well. It was suicide, madness.

“Do ye think him any less weary than I?” Merlin stared at the road. “Bury the wagon.”

“No,” Harry replied. “It contains too many items I dare not leave to be found. Merlin it has my grimoire and my tools and a bystander finds those, and darkness could cover the land.”

“You are not that strong, no witch is,” Merlin dismissed.

Roxy moved her horse forward, “I stand with Harry, Captain.” She tried to meet his gaze, square on, but it was difficult.

“Do you?” Merlin looked at her. 

Roxy felt the hand of death against her throat, waiting for his due, but she did not flinch. “I do.”

“We take the road Harry prefers,” Merlin relented and rode on ahead of them.

Roxy sank into her saddled and tried to remember how to breathe. She took the water that Harry offered her and drank slowly worried she’d choke. “Let me face the hangman rather than defy him.”

“Your Uncle James used to say similar. He’d be proud of how you stood there,” Harry told her and Roxy felt an ache in her heart lessen, just a little. “I have bought us more time.”

“You bought us nothing if you are just going to argue with him the same way again,” Roxy countered. “He isn’t going to listen to you. He wants to die.” Roxy tried not to think about whether Eggsy felt the same way.

“I have to try, he listened to me once, he will again.” Harry began to drive the wagon again. “Not tonight, but tomorrow night we will camp beside a lake that holds significance to them. I believe,” Roxy watched as Harry faltered, “I hope that maybe seeing it will convince Merlin that they can keep going for a few more days.”

“Then I will hope with you,” Roxy said and they rode in silence following Merlin’s tracks until they stopped by a large tree felled by lightning. They lit a fire and ate some rabbit, and Merlin was so restless and was out of sight before the sun was even down. Again there was no sign of Eggsy.

“I need to seek guidance,” Harry said and went to gather what he needed from the wagon. He handed her a small bit of oilcloth. “Not all were lost,” he told her and disappeared as well.

Roxy unfolded the cloth carefully and could have wept; it was six letters, from the pile that she had lost count of. 6 from years where all that had was to leave letters for each other, the only way they could communicate. She opened the top one.

_ Merlin, _

_ I’m tired. My love for you is never tired, never dies, but my soul aches. Every week, each month, the years, tear at the core of me. Nights where the cold bothers me, and I sink my hand into your fur and weep that it is not flesh. Days where I fly and am so lost to instinct I almost don’t return to your whistle.  _

_ I will always come home to you. _

_ My soul wears down, but I promise it will endure, as my heart does. As you do. _

_ Eggsy _

 

Roxy brushed away a tear and put it back. Her hand hesitated but then reached out.

_ Eggsy, _

_ I will fix this. _

_ You will be free, my love. You will not suffer. _

_ Merlin _

 

Roxy figured that was when he set in motion the plans to kill King. She supposed it was noble, and romantic. It was utter bullshit.

She attended to her needs and stared out into the dark. Eggsy did not appear. “You fucking coward!” Roxy screamed. “I thought we were friends! Face me!” She heard a howl in response, an angry, frustrated noise and ignored it. “I was willing to lay down my life for you, you come and face me!” She roared into the night.

She was met with silence, but she would not fall asleep. Roxy moved a little away from the fire and drew her weapon and worked on her formations and then went to the wagon and took up the longbow. She screamed and cursed and pulled it back more than half way and then an extra little bit before letting go. Roxy hated that bow with her entire being. Her arm was aching and she wanted to put it away. She tried twice more before she put it back.

“See, how do I face a soldier such as you, when you do feats like that?” Eggsy asked from the shadows. “How do I face you, when you stood and I ran away? When I prayed to run away?”

“You are a scribe, I am sure Merlin has shown you how to use a dagger, but still a scribe.” Roxy turned and watched Eggsy though he was hard to see. “I hold you no ill will.”

“She was terrifying,” Eggsy said and finally came forward.

Roxy nodded, “she was, and we’ll meet her again and that will not go well.” She shrugged. “I will stand in front of you until I can no longer stand. And even then I will do my best to shield you.”

“Why? This is not your fight.”

“I was going to be executed because King thought I overheard him talking of Merlin. I watched you in an animal form, without thought take an arrow for Merlin. I have read your letters, and trained with them. And I know you.” Roxy came forward and slowly wrapped her arms around Eggsy. She wondered how touch starved the man was. “This is my fight.” Roxy held him as he cried against her. “My sword is yours. My life is yours.”

“Don’t,” Eggsy begged, his tears falling against her hair. “Don’t.”

“Too late, I happily sacrifice for you. For him. For true love,” Roxy said. 

“You think love is for fools,” Eggsy laughed a little bit.

“Then I guess I have become the fool,” Roxy answered and cupped his face and wiped his tears away. “You endure, you are so much stronger than you know.”

“If he has his way, we endure not much longer.”

“And what if you could be together?” Harry said coming to them.

Roxy nodded, “You need to listen to him.”

“The curse can be broken, I have put together the portents and the messages being sent to me.”

“What messages, Harry? Ones you scry or ones found at the bottom of a bottle?”

“Eggsy,” Harry shook his head. “Eggsy, five days from now we can break the curse.”

Roxy took Eggsy’s weight as he collapsed against her and brought him over to the tree. She held his hand, tried to control the tremor in it. She pressed her head against his shoulder, “Listen to him, please, Eggsy.”

“Harry if this is some sort of jest, I will gut you with the dagger up Roxy’s sleeve that keeps banging into me.”

“Five days from now, the sky will perform magic. There will be a day without night, and a night without day,” Harry began, “It means -”

“An eclipse,” Eggsy said. “Moon or Solar? Full or partial?”

“How do you know of such things?”

“I transcribed a Greek book of science once, it spoke of such things,” Eggsy explained. “A priest wanted to burn it. We hid it away.”

“Science, magic, they are not so different. Eggsy it is a full solar eclipse, the moon and the sun will stand as one,” Harry knelt in front of them and Roxy could feel him willing Eggsy to understand, to believe. “If the moon and sun stand as one, so too can you and Merlin. If you both stand before King in your humanity, prove that his dark magic doesn’t hold sway over the cosmos - you can break the curse.”

“Have you told this to Merlin?”

“I’ve tried, but he has set himself on his path and he is -”

“A stubborn arse,” Eggsy said. “I don’t know what to do, because any letter I write, he’ll believe you forged or I wrote under duress. If he could look in my eyes, even for a second he would believe.” He clung to Roxy and Roxy didn’t mind a whit. She was clinging right back. “Harry, do you believe this will work?”

“I do,” Harry promised.

“Then we need to come up with something that will make him listen,” Eggsy said. The two men talked and Roxy ignored them, her brain tickling at her. She left her mind drift, she was not one to strategize generally but occasionally ideas came to her and they were always worth following.

“You said the lake we come to on the morrow is significant.”

Roxy knew if it hadn’t been dark, she would have seen a blush on Eggsy’s cheek. “King went to London, we had 10 days and spent them at that lake. We made love and talked and danced under the stars. He tried to teach me how to fire a bow, and I tried to improve his writing, we both failed miserably and then made love some more. It was the most time we ever had.”

Roxy nodded. “If we could show him your face, do you think then we could get him to listen to us?”

Eggsy nodded. “Does Harry have the magic enough to do that?” Eggsy asked in wonder.

“He does not,” Harry replied firmly.

“No, but he has arms that can dig a hole well enough,” Roxy said and told them her plan.

Merlin barely spoke to them on the day’s journey, lost in thoughts of vengeance and just like before he disappeared when they set up camp. Roxy watched him pause at the edge of the lake. It wasn’t as big as she expected, somewhere between pond and lake, frozen over by the winter air. She saw Merlin stare at the water and the weight of memory almost crush him. “You can have him in your arms, again,” she called out to him; she was not surprised when he ignored her. “I never took Captain Merlin for a fool,” she shouted and that caused him to pause a moment before he continued away from them.

She was grateful with the mood he was in that he did not respond to her jibe. She went to the wagon and looked through what Harry had loaded it with, and cursed. “Is there no shovel?” He might have mentioned that last night when she explained her plan. Harry reached in and pulled a small garden trowel out. Roxy gave him a look, “Yes that will make to man sized holes in the frozen ground with great ease.”

“I also have an ax and a sword, and soon enough there will be three of us to work,” Harry said. 

“This will be exhausting,” Roxy groaned. “I cannot believe I am saying these words, but I am grateful for the conditioning you two were giving me, my arm strength is much improved.”

“It will be tested tonight.”

“I continue to hate all of you.”

“Lying will send your soul to the devil, just as swiftly as magic has done mine,” Harry pointed out.

“We will rule within a fortnight,” she said and found a couple other items that could maybe help them in their task.

“You would make a lovely queen of hell, soldier,” Harry said and went to light them a fire.

Roxy kept digging in care there was magically a hidden shovel that Harry did not recall. “Please, I will rule and you will be the pretty piece at my side.”

“You think this aging body pretty?”

“I think you should have packed better; you see glimpses of the future there should be better provisions.” She would not answer his question, it would please him too much that she had grown to see the former Lieutenant was a very attractive man.

“The future is not fixed,” Harry explained, “In a night I see the same thing over and over and each time it changes. And people are unpredictable even by fate. Fate could never have anticipated a creature such as you.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“It is a fact, now come eat, tonight will be long.”

Roxy sat next to the fire and ate her ration, there was no catch tonight, and then they grew the fire a bit, to make sure that they could see the work they had to attend to. The sun set and she watched Eggsy walk to the camp, almost a bounce in his step. “This might not work,” she cautioned.

“Nothing else has either, and something new is something new is it not?” Eggsy replied. He sat next to them at the fire. “You know what was especially cruel?”

Roxy shook her head, to her all of this seemed especially cruel.

“Wolves and hawks mate for life,” Eggsy held his hands to the fire to warm them. “He would not even give us that.”

“Make no mistake, I still want Merlin to kill King, I want that a lot, I just want the curse to be broken first. I want you two to be free and everything you were.”

“I don’t,” Eggsy replied.

“I misheard you,” Roxy said, stunned. She moved a bit to see him better. “You wish to stay like this?”

“No,” Eggsy poked at the fire with a stick, “but we cannot go back to who we were. I was innocent, to some extent so was he, no matter how much blood was on his hands. We cannot be those men again. But who we might be now? I want to know that.”

Roxy nodded, that was a sentiment she could well understand. “Eggsy, would you care for the axe or the shovel?” 

“We have a shovel?” Eggsy perked up and Roxy laughed at the way he deflated when she held up their tools. “I’ll take the ax, break up the ground some I guess.”

Roxy went and walked around to think of the perfect spot to dig their pits. She confirmed with Harry exactly where the sun would kiss the sky and measured roughly. Eggsy came over and began to break up the ground and Harry went to gather leaves and moss. Roxy worked steady pulling at the earth that Eggsy brought up. “Eggsy?”

“Yeah?” he was breathing heavy as he swung away.

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me anything happy about the two of you?” Roxy needed to hear some joy right now.

Eggsy doesn’t pause in his work. “He was a tease.”

That makes Roxy stop her work, “The Captain, a tease?”

“A horrific one,” Eggsy reminisced. He put the ax done and began to help dig. “He would take my quill and tickle me with the feather. When we had a moment alone together, he would joke, the worst puns, he wouldn’t let me leave without a kiss. When he could be Merlin and not the Captain of the Kingsman? He was a silly man.”

“I cannot fathom it,” Roxy had to admit. It reconciled with nothing she knew.

“Think of your Uncle Percival, who the world sees him as, who you saw him as, and who James saw him as.” 

Roxy thought about it. “We are different people for the eyes of the world, and the eyes of lovers.”

“I was more serious when alone with him. In public, I always had a quip, a genial air, but with him I could ramble for hours on the things I had read as I transcribed. My thoughts on God, how Ross was run, the world. Anything and everything, and he listened. He believed my thoughts interesting and worth listening to. So many figured that I knew how to write beautifully but I was just copying, not absorbing as I wrote. He would tease about all the different pockets of knowledge in my brain, and I thought he was mad that I was more learned than him, but he would rely on me for plans, for ideas because of everything I have read.”

Roxy paused in her digging, they had one pit almost ready. “I hope that the years will not have lost that.”

“If they have, I will find a new aspect to love.” He sounded so sure, Roxy wished she had half his courage.

“Eggsy, if this is ended, will you miss flying?”

Eggsy was quiet and Roxy thought he would not answer. Harry came and they filled the one pit with the soft leaves and moss to keep the cold off skin. They heard a howl and Eggsy for once did not chase after it. Harry went to get more cover. Roxy found the second pit a little easier, or at least she knew what to expect for digging it out.

“I am supposed to say no,” Eggsy said into their silence. “I am supposed to say that when I am fully human again, I will not miss it for a second. But I will, I will miss seeing the world in ways no other human does. I almost see the heavens, Roxy, and not doing that, will be a great loss.”

“I am in awe of you,” Roxy told him sincerely.

“Just a man,” he replied.

Roxy shook her head, “An incredible one.” She attended to her work, and they added more wood to the fire and Harry returned with the last of the cover and they made quick work of the second hole in the earth. They rested for a bit, the labour wearing them out. Eggsy was so attuned to the sky that when he nodded they all got up. Roxy stretched. “Can you call him to you?”

“Should be able to,” Eggsy replied and went close to the pits.

Roxy and Harry hung back, knowing that the wolf was most likely to come if he thought Eggsy alone. Roxy waited while Eggsy called and the wolf did not come. Eggsy shouted again and walked a little more about. Still nothing. “He is so mad, that he does not answer Eggsy?”

Harry had no response and they just kept waiting.

Eggsy finally let out a shrill whistle, a loud, thing that disturbed other animals about. He did it thrice more and then they heard a howl. Roxy in the dark could just make out a shape and it was coming fast. “Wait,” Roxy said, “he crosses the lake, is it frozen enough?” She saw that the wolf did not care, it must of thought Eggsy in great danger and ran. They all heard the cracking sound below the wolf’s feet. 

“No,” Eggsy whispered in horror, at what his call had done.

“Can it hold?” Roxy asked.

“I have no idea,” Harry replied and ran to the wagon.

Eggsy moved forward, onto the ice. “I have to help him.”

“Stop,” Roxy called, “you weigh too much.” She began stripping down until she was just shoes, breeches, and shift. Harry came to her and tied a rope around her waist. “Eggsy, stop moving!” Roxy went forward and took a deep breath and stepped onto the ice. It held under her feet but Eggsy would not stop and neither would the wolf. “I beg you, stop,” she cried and Eggsy finally still. “Go back,” she told him. “Slowly, do not pick up your weight, slide back.” Eggsy did this but the wolf kept moving along the ice and the cracks grew.

“NO!” Eggsy screamed as the wolf moved forward and then with a last crack fell through into the lake. Roxy didn’t think but ran forward and then slid on the ice and into the water. The cold stole her breath and it was as dark as death. But she had survived the sewers under the prison she would survive this. She prayed that Harry still had the rope she reached out and grasped several times. Her lungs were clawing and every instinct demanded she find air, but if she went up empty handed, she knew all would be lost. Her mind was going grey and her fingers were not opening and closing and she felt fur brush against her. Roxy pulled all her strength to herself and grabbed. She felt afire when claw dug into her shoulder, gashed across her face but she clung and pushed up.

Roxy saw the hole in the ice and kicked her weakening legs. If she could just get the wolf out, Harry would pull her out. She pushed the scrambling wolf up and his head crested the freezing water, his back paws tearing open her chest as the front searched for purchase. She thought she heard voices but she could have been wrong. The weight was off her; he was saved. That was good. Oddly the water did not feel so cold anymore as she let the darkness consume her.

Roxy slowly opened her eyes. Her brain felt just as slow as her eyes but slowly she put the tableau around her together. Eggsy was clutching the wolf, drying him off with spare clothes before a fire that was much too large. She was naked under a large pile of furs and felt a mix of cold and hot, her feet were agony pressed against hot rocks. 

Not it was too soft for rocks. Roxy moved her head a little and realized her feet were being cradled against Harry’s stomach. He was giving his warmth to her. “You’ll catch your death of cold, there,” she whispered and began to cough up what felt like the whole lake. Roxy tried to pull her feet away from Harry, but he held her fast. “I’m too cold,” she protested.

“I am aware that is why your skin is against mine.”

“You saved him, Rox,” Eggsy said. “You risked everything.” He clutched the wolf tightly. “I will forever thank the lord that you were put on our path. And I am sorry for the suffering that path has caused you, but we could ask no truer companion than you.” Eggsy gaze shifted. “And you of course Harry, if you weren’t pulling that rope…”

“You pulled him once he was on the ice,” Harry said, “we are a unit, all functioning together.” 

Roxy felt his hands on her feet and was grateful for it, she knew enough that not feeling it would have been of grave concern. “May I dress?”

“The warmth of the furs against your skin, is what is best for right now,” Harry explained, “And the moss would be too compacted under clothes.”

“Moss?” Roxy breathed in and smelled it, fresh somehow even though things should be dormant. She looked and saw the bandages on her shoulder and chest. She remembered the feel of the claws. She touched her jaw line and there was another bandage. “Will you need to close any of the wounds?” Roxy prayed at least that the ones on her cheek and jaw would not need that.

“No, there will likely be scars, but nothing so deep it has to be seared closed,” Harry told her. He was quiet. “I can use -”

“No,” Roxy replied.

“A little magic and you’ll never even remember they happened.”

Roxy gave a faint smiled, “All soldiers are scarred.”

“You will not be considered as attractive.”

“To some perhaps, but they are not the sort for me anyways. Would you consider them ugly?”

“You gained them being a peerless warrior, saving my dearest friend. They will make you even more stunning.”

“See? I will not cost you the pain of magic just to heal a little vanity.” Roxy yawned. “We need to -”

“Harry and I have it, you rest.” The wolf left Eggsy and Roxy stayed very still, they all did. The wolf licked her cheek and went back to Eggsy and she breathed a little easier. 

“Wake me before it is time,” She said and let her body sink down again. It was only a couple hours but the sky held that bit less darkness to it. Harry had to help her dress, but it did not bother her. Roxy looked over and the wolf was asleep in his pit and Eggsy was watching from his. She could hear Eggsy praying, praying for just a glimpse. Harry was whispering words next to her, ones she could not understand, and did not want to. But she reached out and took his hand as they waited.

The sun tipped above the horizon and the beams crept towards Merlin. Roxy could hear Eggsy gasp as the fur began to melt away from Merlin’s skin. Roxy’s grip tightened on Harry, and she felt her breath still in her lungs as she took up the prayer that Eggsy could no longer carry on his lips.

The only prayer that Eggsy was capable of was Merlin’s name. “Please, Merlin, see me,” Eggsy begged and Roxy will him to wake.

“Eggsy?” Merlin groaned and rolled over.

“No, they need more time,” Roxy said, the sun was warming Merlin and so close Eggsy.” A curse was said beside her and she pulled her eyes away from the pit and saw that Harry’s skin was crawling with shadows, slithering things that moved his skin and slid off him. They moved to the pits and for just a moment the sun’s rays seemed to hold still.

“Merlin,” Eggsy said and reached a hand out.

The shadows fell apart under the sun and Eggsy drew his hand away, so the sun had to reach for him, just as Merlin was reaching.

“Please,” Roxy begged the heavens.

Merlin’s hand reached out but could not beat the sun and Eggsy was flying into the sky. Roxy wept at how close they had been, and Merlin’s cry of pain and rage had all the birds in the trees flying with Eggsy.

“We failed,” Roxy said.

Harry collapsed next to her, worn thin by the magic. “No, no that was more than they have had in years.”

Roxy knelt next to him. “You held the sun at bay.”

“No one can do that, I just still its rays for just a moment.”

“Do you think it is enough?”

“We shall find out,” Harry replied and Roxy looked up to the shadow that fell over them. She had put on a cloak and it hid the bandages covering her. It was an awkward angle, the first thing she saw was Merlin’s cock, but she quickly cast her gaze up, and he looked like the devil come to earth.

“Why would you do that, what did you hope to accomplish?” he roared.

“I hoped to -”

“It was my idea,” Roxy said. “A chance, just a chance to see him. He wanted to take it.”

“You bring us only more pain. To glimpse, to almost touch and have nothing again?”

“You have each other,” Roxy protested, “You have a love that most cannot even dream about. And you have a chance to reclaim it, if you just listen to us. I thought if you saw his face again, it would help you choose the path that would let you see it everyday.”

“It is no chance, it is just more witchcraft.”

“So what if it is, if it gives you back to each other. He believes in the chance, can you not believe in him?”

Merlin’s hand rose to strike and Roxy couldn’t help herself she startled to scramble away and the cloak’s hood fell from her face. His hand faltered. “Your face was not injured so yesterday. What happened?”

“Nothing,” Roxy said. Merlin reached down and pulled her up by the side that was more injured and she could not stop the scream as it pulled at the shoulder which had the deepest wounds. “I am fine,” she said, collecting herself.

“What happened?” Merlin repeated.

“You did,” Harry said. He reached out and turned Merlin so that he saw the hole in the ice. “You fell through, coming to Eggsy’s call. She dove in, without a thought to save your life and when she pushed you out of the water, you did that to her finding your escape. You took so long to get out she did not have the strength or air left in her lungs to get herself out. I dragged her out and breathed life back into her Merlin. She almost died. For you. Because Eggsy is still willing to try, because she has grown to believe in what you two share, and here you are complaining, ready to throw it away. Captain gain the courage of your recruit.” 

Roxy didn’t turn her head to watch Harry stalk off, she would not take her eyes off of Merlin. She stood very still as he slowly took the cloak off and moved the shift she wore underneath. He took in the bandages and then carefully began to pull them off. Roxy felt him nudge her and she sat and watched as he boiled water with the moss that Harry had put on her in the night. He then came over and knelt at her feet and cleaned the wounds with what had heated.

Captain Merlin of the Kingsman was kneeling to her. “If Harry’s plan does not work, it will kill me.”

“Your plan will kill you just as much.”

“A physical death and the death of a spirit are vastly different things.”

“You’ve held on for years, believed for years, you cannot give four more days?”

“He believes in this?”

Roxy knew Merlin was not talking about Harry. “He believes in your love, in trying because in the end what more can you lose.” It stung the water, but then there was relief and he wrapped the shoulder again but left her cheek and chest bare. “Believe just for a few more days.”

“Magic tried to destroy us and you want me to rest all my faith in it.”

“If you cannot rest your faith in it, rest it in Eggsy, in Harry.” Roxy felt his fingers ghost along the claw marks on her cheek and jaw.

“And you. I put my faith in you, Roxy. Our lives are in your hands, and seem to be well cared for there.” Roxy felt his lips press against her jaw, just the barest touch. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome.” He stood and Roxy stayed seated and he stared at her. “What?” she asked.

“Ye need to practice with the bow,” he said. “And your formations.”

“You ripped my shoulder apart!”

“Aye, and sometimes ye have to fight no matter what pain you are in. Ready yourself in ten minutes.” Roxy glared at his naked arse as he went to find clothes. 

She had to lie down in the wagon after, body almost broken but she had defiantly held her sword, and blood poured from her shoulder as she managed a third of a draw on the longbow, cursing Merlin the whole time. Roxy stared at the sky, and could just see Eggsy flying above them. She was falling asleep and could hear Harry and Merlin talking, making new plans for their arrival in the city. Roxy smiled a bit, Merlin had finally listened, and would try to endure for a few days longer.


	12. Chapter 12

“Where are you going?” Roxy asked as Harry mounted Merlin’s horse.

“To Ross,” Harry replied.

“Yes, that is where we all travel to,” she reminded him.

“I have ways of being unnoticed, better I go ahead, clear certain paths for their arrival, lay a few traps to distract, if not catch, certain rats.”

“If you kill Charlie before I can, we will have words.”

“Interesting ones I bet, that would cause noblewomen to faint,” Harry grinned.

“I am a noblewoman, I do not seem to be falling to the ground,” Roxy smiled back, a feral thing that almost looked like Merlin’s wolf teeth.

Harry snorted, “I see no woman before me.”

“Shall I bare my breast?”

Harry quirked a brow. “All I see before me is a Kingsman who will guard them both well and get them to the city to the location we discussed, at the appropriate time.” He clicked his tongue and took off, the horse seeming to fly down the road.

“I do not know how to drive this wagon!” She shouted after him. Roxy watched Eggsy chase after Harry in the air a little before he circled back and dove. She automatically held up her arm and he landed gently. “Do you know what I am to do now? These horses do not like me.”

“They are work horses, they have no opinions about people, Roxy,” Merlin said and vaulted to the seat beside her. The hawk hopped from her arm to Merlin’s shoulder and nuzzled a moment before taking off again. Merlin managed to get the horses moving and they were on their way slowly following Harry’s path.

It was a cloudy day, and cold but there was no rain or snow and it did not feel like any would fall, which was a relief, the road was rough enough as it was. They were quiet but she didn’t mind; silence with the captain felt natural and it meant she wasn’t having to draw the infernal bow.

“Do you hurt?”

“I’ve hurt for weeks now.”

“I didn’t mean your heart,” Merlin commented.

“Neither did I,” she replied. “You’ve been to the dungeons under the keep, I was down there not very long and still the pain is felt in my bones.”

“And what I did to you?”

“My hands grow calluses already from the buckets and the bow.”

“You play the fool, it does not become you.”

“You are ready to play martyr, it does not become you,” Roxy countered and smiled though it pulled at the healing scars.

“All soldiers are martyrs,” Merlin challenged and she just snorted.

“If you were on the field of battle perhaps, but you are ready to prostrate and kneel again before me for something the wolf did, and I will have none of that.”

“I am the wolf and he is me.”

“There is an animal in all of us, isn’t there?” she asked. “One we unleash in battle, in bed. Eggsy said that King cursed you to be different animals. I do not think so. He cursed you into animal form, but it was what was in your souls that formed your other half.”

“An interesting theory, do you become a soothsayer?”

“No, I am no prophet,” Roxy had to laugh at that thought. “I would not see the future beyond what I carve for myself.”

“There you show your youth.”

Roxy was intrigued, this was the most interesting conversation she had had with Merlin. “I’ve aged greatly in the last few weeks.”

“True, but you still think your fate is something you can carve alone,” Merlin shook his head, “Our fate is carved by those around us. No,” he paused trying to formulate. “It is together. Because we do not exist just for ourselves, if we do that is how we become King. So our fate is carved in a thousand directions, but hundreds of circumstances, by the people closest to us. Did you choose to become a soldier because that is what you wanted?”

“Of course,” Roxy said, sure of it.

“Your uncles who raised you - soldiers. They shaped you, put a path on the road. You chose to walk it, but you did not create it.”

Roxy thought about that. “You have a point,” she finally agreed. “But I will control as much as I can.”

“That is a good idea,” Merlin agreed. “And as you get older and wearier, you will find how little you control.”

“Were you this dour even when you had him in your arms. He says you were a tease.” Roxy watched him. “There, I see a small smile, he wasn’t jesting.”

“I would joke with my soldiers well enough,” Merlin agreed, “most do. But with him, yes I was softer, and perhaps there was some teasing involved in our time. Perhaps one day I will remember to jest again.”

“I asked him this, and now I ask you. Will you miss being a wolf?” Roxy was so curious about this.

“No,” he said after a time.

“Do you lie?”

“No,” he said quietly. He looked at the sky. “I feel no freedom as a wolf, it is too much loss of control. Hunting, instinct. I rely on reason and control and that is all stripped away. I do not care for what it shows of whom I could become without faith, without society. It stripping me away, it traps me.”

“Then I wish that you become free in the next few days.”

“You wished that anyways.”

“No,” Roxy said softly. “I wished that for you as a couple, that you be together. But now, I wish the curse ended for you as well, if that makes sense.”

“It does, lass, and it is appreciated.” 

They ride in silence for a time and then Roxy nudged him. “At least your future is secure. Once King is dealt with, I have no doubt that you’ll be made captain of the guard again.”

“I do not want it,” Merlin said in a dead voice.

“But it is who you are,” Roxy was stunned. “You are Captain Merlin. Even though King has demanded your name not be spoken except to curse, you are spoken about with awe.”

Merlin shook his head, “I cannot go back to death, to being sent for months away from him. Years even. A soldier’s life is lonely and cold. I have been cold long enough. Besides a scribe as good as Eggsy? He makes enough to support us.”

“You will become Eggsy’s mistress that is your life plan?” Roxy began to giggle. “Oh my, but you are a tease.”

“I promise that I am in earnest. Perhaps a farmer, or a carpenter. That could be interesting,” Merlin mused. “I just know I go to Ross to fix this or die, and either way when it is done I walk away from the city.”

“The city did you no wrong, King did.”

Roxy  watched Merlin thinking about the future and wondered what he would say. “I do not see that being our resting place. Also just too many people. We have spent time in villages, but I am unaccustomed to such noise and closeness. And the smells. I would have open air.”

“Perhaps you are more wolf than you admit.”

“Perhaps,” Merlin agreed and they pushed until the sun went low. They both looked into the distance, Roxy was sure she saw some buildings. “There just over the rise, is a small area. An inn, smith, and a few others.” He handed her some coin. “Treat the two of you to a nice repast and room. Pretend to be husband and wife if need be. A good rest before what comes is not an untoward idea.”

“And you?”

“I’ll be nearby, I always am,” he said. He squeezed her uninjured shoulder and whistled to the skies and the hawk dove down. “Stay with her,” he told the hawk who nuzzled against him. “He is a little damp, moisture in the air. Rain is coming. Hurry.”

“How hurry, the horses hate me remember?” Roxy said as Merlin got down from the wagon. “You have a bit more time before the sun goes down.”

Merlin just nudged and the horses were off, and Roxy held the reins with a death grip. She did not like being in charge of the wagon, there were too many of Harry’s oddities hidden in the back, though she supposed that some of those would have traveled with him. She did not make it to the small village in time and the rain was coming down. Roxy stopped at the inn and banged on the door. When it opened she sighed in relief. “Tell me you have a room for myself and my husband,” she begged.

“We are full up,” the woman sounded regretful. She looked to the wagon. “We have space in the stables though, for the horses, and above I could offer some blankets and pillows. We have stew cooking as well.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Roxy replied and handed over a few coin. 

“The stables are just behind,” the woman pointed to a structure. “Roof is good and tight, was replaced last year. I’ll send my boy along soon with what you need.”

Roxy moved them over and the hawk flew in while she attended to the horses. Hands joined her in wiping them down. “Hello, Eggsy,” she said.

“Roof over our heads, fancy,” he replied. The finished up the horses and then Roxy began to dry herself. 

A serving boy came with a pile of blankets and a small pot, “Here you go,” he said to them, “Privy is just over there, and if you need a dram to warm you, you can come to the inn.”

“You are too kind,” Roxy took the linens and Eggsy the stew. They sat on bales and ate and Eggsy leaned against the wood. He was smiling. “You are content?”

“I am,” he answered. “Warm food, a roof, good company.” The could hear music faintly, coming from the inn. “Even music. Has there ever been a better night?”

“With him?” she asked, sure of the answer.

“We had so few nights,” Eggsy said softly. “We were stolen minutes and hours in the day. If we had a night together it was him sneaking into my room and gone a few hours later. We had the week by the lake, but all that bleeds together, there wasn’t a night more important than the day. When this is all over, he and I will have a better night than this.”

“You are so sure that this will work?” she asked, she wished she believed in it wholly; she believe in trying, not their success.

“I have to be,” Eggsy said. He was quiet and listening to the music and Roxy did not like the shadows that grew on his face.

Roxy stood and bowed to him. “A dance, good sir?”

“I fear I am a dreadful dancer,” Eggsy warned her.

“And you think that I will be any good?” Roxy snorted. “I have no ability for such.”

“You dance with a blade well enough.”

“I follow the steps I am taught.” Roxy knew her strengths and weaknesses well enough and dancing was certainly a weakness.

“Then follow what I teach you,” Eggsy offered her his hand and they moved around the barn.

“You are a horrible teacher,” Roxy had to tell him as she stepped on his feet, and knew enough to know they were not following the music at all. “You might even be worse than me. Do you know how much work that takes?”

“You throw me off, I am better than this,” Eggsy protested.

“Are you sure?” They spun about and Roxy was sent into a post holding up the barn.

“No, I am not,” Eggsy had to admit and fell over laughing.

It was the most beautiful sound Roxy had ever heard. She could not believe a god who created such a man would let him stay cursed forever. The music slowed a little and she held out her hand, “Let us try one more time. That way when this is over, you can dance with Merlin.”

“He actually is a fair dancer,” Eggsy said. “There was a summer festival, and he danced at it, a crown of flowers on his head.”

“I cannot picture that,” Roxy said and they walked hand in hand in the one dance they both could almost do.

“It was absurd, and charming. I made the crown,” Eggsy remembered, “it was as close to a public declaration as we could manage.”

“You will shout your love from rooftops,” Roxy swore and the song ended. There was a bang on the door. “Perhaps they sent that dram over?” she went to open the barn door, but it flung open itself.

“Hello,” the woman from keep walked in and Roxy immediately moved in front of Eggsy. There was a bolt of lightning and a roar of thunder and the larger doors swung open as well. She smiled and for a moment the dozen wolf carcasses on the ground just outside the door were illuminated. “Do you think one of those is him?” she asked. “I do.”

Eggsy’s scream of anguish almost shook the barn’s foundations. Roxy was too far from the larger weapons and threw the dagger that was up her sleeve. The woman had to dodge to miss the dagger and Eggsy bolted forward, pushing the woman down and running out into the dark and rain.

“Eggsy!” Roxy screamed after him. She ran to grab her sword and when she turned the woman was gone as well chasing after Eggsy. “God, guide me to them,” Roxy begged and went into the storm.


	13. Chapter 13

There were no footprints to track, the rain washing away that would stick to the mud. She could hear noise but too much was from the small village. And Eggsy would have gone to the woods. Roxy ran towards the trees and could see so little. She had to wait for lightning to illuminate the sky. Roxy could not see him, or that woman, and to call out would likely mean her death, though her crashing around was not helping her stay alive any.

Roxy put her back to a tree and closed her eyes and listened. She slowed her breath and waited. She emptied her mind to all but the sounds of the woods around her. A faint sound of metal just to her left. Roxy swung and the woman just dodged the sword.

“I thought you’d be a little faster than that,” the woman said.

“Give me another chance, promise not to miss,” Roxy said and her fingers slid on the handle with all the rain. She tightened her grip and widened her stance. “You will not kill Eggsy.”

“I don’t want to,” the woman explained. “King is paying me to bring him back in very good condition.”

“We can pay you to leave him alone.” Roxy heard Eggsy scream for Merlin and the woman started to turn to hunt. Roxy moved and blocked her path. “Magic can do many things but you cannot disappear and reappear.”

“Are you sure?” the woman asked.

“You are still talking to me,” Roxy pointed out. “If you could, you’d already be to him.” Every time that woman moved, Roxy moved with her. Only over Roxy’s corpse would she get to Eggsy. “We can pay you.”

“Do you think King is paying me in something so small as money?” The woman laughed and cast and sent Roxy flying into a tree. Roxy groaned but pushed herself up and moved back. “You should consider joining me,” the woman crooned. “You are so powerful, so much potential in you that I could unlock.”

“To become like you?” Lightning struck and Roxy could see the woman’s legs looked metal. “Was that the cost of your magic?”

“Everything comes with a price, the question is - is it worth it?” She moved forward and ignored Roxy’s sword. “Are they worth the price you are paying?”

Roxy’s answer was a headbutt that broke the woman’s nose. “They are,” she said and tried to run her through, but the woman seemed to leap back as high as the trees and took off running. “No you don’t,” Roxy roared and gave chase yet again. She was about to step when out of the shadows, the wolf leapt at her and knocked her back. “Merlin?” He rolled off her chest and growled at the ground.

Roxy waited and when the lightning crossed the sky, she saw the trap that she almost stepped in. “My thanks,” she said quietly, “I am glad you live.”

“Not for much longer,” the woman said and cast magic. Roxy put herself in front of the wolf ready to take the blow but the magic went wild as the woman stumbled. Eggsy was behind her a heavy branch in hand that he had clearly hit her with.

She stared at Eggsy in shock and Eggsy jutted out his chin. “Might not be a soldier, but that does not mean I am useless, you harpy.”  He tightened his grip on the branch. “Leave them alone,” Eggsy shouted. He looked her dead in the eye, “I go with you, you’ll leave them alone?”

The woman stared at him, “My orders are to kill the wolf.”

“Eggsy, what are you doing?” Roxy moved closer but the woman cast and it felt like she had slammed into a wall. She could see the metal crawling up her legs just a little more. Roxy pushed at the air but could not move against it.

“You kill him, and I’ll kill myself.” Eggsy dropped the branch and pulled a vial from his pocket. “Lethal and fast. Think King will give you what he promised if all he has is my rotted corpse.” Eggsy took off the lid and moved it in front of his lips. “Gazelle, you leave them, and I go with you. You move, I die.”

“You know my name?” She was clearly surprised.

“I was King’s scribe, I know many things, things you would prefer I not know. Things enough I believe to add to the bargaining. They live, and Valentine never finds out about the things you have done.”

Roxy looked between them, ready to fight, and the wolf was growling and then stilled beside her. He would never quiet while Eggsy was in danger. The rain was slowing which mean there was less lightning to aid their eyes, but Eggsy was moving his hand not holding the poison. He seemed to be flicking his wrist but that made no sense. Eggsy kept no blade up his sleeve.

But she did.

Roxy could not parse out what he wanted her to do. If she threw it, she’d likely miss in the dark or Gazelle would easily knock it away. She could not run at Gazelle not with that wall of air. She was lost. Roxy could not see what he wanted her to do. The wolf was silent just watching them both.

“Very well,” Gazelle said. “King is old enough, and a fool, he’ll believe what I say, especially if you look heartbroken.”

“You are taking me from my love to the one that cursed us, of course I am heartbroken.” Eggsy told her and began to walk.

“Do not go so close to them,” Gazelle ordered.

“Your magic will protect you, unless you are so weak that you fear them. Do you?” Eggsy challenged and kept walking, turning his back to Gazelle in an act of bravery that impressed Roxy. He then cursed as he stumbled and fell. “Bloody woods in the night. No matter how many years I’ve traveled them cannot see a thing.” He tried to push himself up and his hands just sank in the wet and leaves and muck.

No, he was pushing them into the muck, reaching out to Roxy because the barrier only skimmed the ground. Roxy slid the dagger out of her sleeve and through the mud to Eggsy. Gazelle grabbed the back of his shirt and hauled him up and did that leap again and they were gone. The wolf’s mournful cry hurt her soul and she dug her hands into the mud and all the energy for a moment left her in her relief. “He has the dagged,” she told the wolf. Her legs couldn’t work. The cold was seeping in, and the days of work and travel, and the weight on her heart. It felt impossible to stand.

“I wish Harry were here,” she whispered. He could tell her what to do, lead them. The wolf growled and looked at her. “We have only a vague direction. In the dark and wet. I am not prepared to fight magic, you haven’t trained me for that. I am a poor soldier, slowly gaining skills, but not the ones for tonight. What do I do, Merlin?” Roxy swiped a tear away even though her face was wet from the rain and it would have been unnoticed. “I need my captain, and I have you.”

The wolf howled and ran off in the direction that Gazelle had taken Eggsy. There were traps along the way, Roxy was sure. Her legs still didn’t feel like they could work. “One, two, three,” she counted and reached for the sword and hauled herself up. She started slowly, stumbling steps in the dark, though her eyes had begun to adjust. Each howl or cry of the wolf had her picking up her pace a little until she was running, almost blindly through the woods, trusting that god or the devil would keep her safe. And she was and then she heard a shrill scream and then for a moment the forest was completely silent.

“Merlin?” she called out, though that was no wolf noise she had heard. It was her turn to scream when the wolf hopped over a fall tree to her side. “Was that her? Did she fall into one of her traps?” Roxy moved in the direction of the noise and saw them. “Eggsy?”

“Help me, I have to save her,” Eggsy said, “I can’t kill anyone.” He was trying to open the trap.

Roxy knew that Gazelle was already dead but she went over beside him. The dagger was buried in her shoulder and her face was caught in the trap. Eggsy kept yanking on it and Roxy stilled his hands. “It is too late, Eggsy.”

“I can’t...help me,” Eggsy looked at her. “Roxy, help me. Roxy, you help us. God brought you to us to help us. So please, help me.”

“I will,” she promised and pulled him away, sat them on the ground facing away from the corpse. Roxy heard a dragging noise and knew the wolf was pulling Gazelle away. “Eggsy, it was her or you. I am proud of you.”

“Don’t be proud of me for this. I killed her to save myself.”

“No,” Roxy said firmly, “You were a Kingsman. You killed to save another. You killed her because you know she was going to lay a trap for me and Merlin. She wouldn’t have kept her word.”

Eggsy was shivering and Roxy wrapped her arms around him. “I could hear her chanting. She thought she was quiet, but you can feel those words. She may have not even be saying them out loud, but I can feel words that were once on a page. You wouldn’t have left these woods.” 

Roxy smoothed his hair and she wanted to get them up off the ground, but she knew he couldn’t move yet. She held him tight and they both ignored the sounds just a little away, of teeth tearing at flesh and bone. 

“You wouldn’t have left. She would have killed him. I couldn’t, I couldn’t, she couldn’t, I couldn’t,” Eggsy began to repeat himself until he started to retch. Roxy held him as he was sick and pulled him back when he would have sunk into the ground more. “She was evil. I should not be this way. I should be proud, like you said.”

“I am not proud of you for the act of killing,” Roxy had to clarify, she couldn’t leave him thinking that. “I am proud of you for surviving. For taking care of us. He told me once that you take care of him more than you ever realize. Realize it, Eggsy.”

“Years, Roxy, and they’ve made sure I’ve never had to take a life,” Eggsy said. “They were worried I wasn’t strong enough.”

Roxy cupped his face. “Well, they are old, their eyesight weak. Because it looks to me like you were strong enough.”

“I asked you to bring a dead woman back to life.”

“You did what you had to, no one can fault you for what came after. You were not trained for this, but Eggsy you are plenty strong enough. A Kingsman,” she told him, because her being called that made her world better and it had to for him too.

“Don’t want to be a Kingsman, Roxy; I just want to be me.”

“I know. And you will be you again, but you need to get your feet under you, and we need to go back to the barn. Can you do that?”

“Like I told that harpy, I am not useless.”

“Eggsy, you are magnificent,” Roxy told him and helped him up and they made their way back to the village, lost a couple times but eventually seeing the lights. They made their way to the barn and helped each other get clean of the muck and check small wounds from running around the woods. They fell asleep naked, wrapped in a few of the blankets given them. Roxy did not let go of Eggsy and soothed him when he screamed in the night.

In the morning she awoke with empty arms and Merlin was watching her. “Merlin,” she said and sat up. “You are well?”

“I am,” he replied. “And you?” He was staring at her shoulder.

“Whatever you and Harry had done seems to have worked wonders,” she said. “The wounds should not be this healed.”

“Especially with whatever happened last night,” Merlin replied with a quick glance to her breasts. “I awoke next to a very thoroughly dismembered corpse. I seem to have killed that woman hunting us.”

For a moment, Roxy was desperately tempted to let him believe. “You did not,” she finally said. 

He was puzzled for a moment and then gave her a smile. “You protected him again. I thank you.”

“He protected us. Outwitted her, drove my knife into her shoulder and when he pushed her to run away she fell into one of the traps she had laid for you.”

Merlin’s face fell. “Oh my lad, he must be hurting.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Whatever comfort you gave him, I bear no ill will.”

“Just because my breasts are out, does not mean he played with them,” Roxy snapped. “How dare you belittle him and his love. How dare you, after what he did for us?”

“I understand field comfort, soldier,” Merlin said, “and would not begrudge it or have it change my affection any.”

“Did you take field comfort after you and he first touched?”

“No. I take your point. I know he is faithful and loyal. But you were there to comfort him, and I was not. I am jealous of you lass.”

Roxy went over and knelt in front of him. “The day after this Merlin, and you will see him again. I know it.”

“For your lips to God’s ears,” Merlin said and kissed her forehead. “Dress, Harry will be waiting for us.”

Roxy dressed and sat beside him as he drove the wagon. They both looked to the sky regularly and Eggsy was there, circling, staying close. “I am scared,” she told him.

“So am I, Roxy. So am I.” When they were close to the first border, Merlin threw a cloak on with the hood low, and Roxy did similar. He held out his arm and Roxy curled into it. “We both have faces far too recognizable.”

Roxy prayed as they moved forward and were halted. But the guard seemed to almost not be able to look at them and they were waved through. “Harry,” she said, sure of it. “That smacks of his influence.”

“Aye,” Merlin agreed. “Let us hope we see his touch more and more.”

The road was busy and Roxy felt like it had been years, not weeks that she had been away. “Where will Harry be?”

“I wish I knew,” Merlin snorted. “He always made plans and failed to share them with me.”

They paused at a break in the road to rest the horses. Roxy saw riders, and others but none had quite the shape of Harry. There was a peddler walking and she saw someone kick him and was furious. She hurried over to help the man up, and retched at the scent of him. His cloak was covered in shit and piss, and who knew what else. “Sir,” she said and coughed. “Take a shilling.” She held out one of her coins and tried to avoid looking at the man.

“Thank you, miss,” the peddler croaked. “You are too kind, a good heart in that beautiful face.”

Roxy knew the healing scars on her jaw were red and angry and she was pale from too little sleep. She looked at the man to upbraid him, and under the filth, beautiful eyes shone out. “You bastard,” she hissed and Harry grinned back at her.

Roxy looked around but no one was paying them mind. “On your way beggar, pretend you won’t spend that on mead.” She went back to the wagon and she and Merlin moved on and didn’t comment at first when Harry hopped in the back. They stopped at the edge of Ross. “Did you have to stink that much?” Roxy turned and looked in the back and Harry was pitching all the clothes outside and washing with the little water they had left.

“Yes, the smell was good for keeping people away,” Harry explained. “No one noticed me yesterday. I have good news and bad news.”

“Bad news,” Merlin immediately said.

“King has ‘heard’ of assassination attempts against him. Court tomorrow will not be public and the doors are to be barred. A dozen soldiers in the hall with him.”

“And the good news?” Roxy asked.

“Means all our targets are in one location. And among those is Percival. We will have an ally in there. And if he one, others will be too.”

Roxy nodded, she longed to see her uncle. “And you’ve arranged a way for us to be in the hall.”

“I have a plan, I was in there briefly before being removed. The layout has changed little.”

“It is no wonder they removed you with that stench,” Roxy teased. “Tell me Harry did you rub all the shit on, or just roll in it?”

Harry smiled at her, and Roxy grew worried. “We’ll compare scents on the morrow.”

“Why are we comparing?” Roxy asked.

“Because we need someone on the inside to open the doors for us. And you are our way in.”

“We go in now,” she countered. “Hide in the rafters.”

“The building has been locked since dawn. There is only one way in.”

Roxy looked at Harry who just kept staring at her. She turned to Merlin but he was giving her the same look. “What?” she said and then she put the pieces together as well. “The caves, and the drains into them.”

“Ye escaped via them, and can get back in the same way,” Merlin said.

“I’ve eaten too well, I might not fit,” Roxy tried, but knew she’d be able to. Just, but she would be able to do it. “You hinge all your hopes on me?”

“You are a Kingsman, you will not disappoint me,” Merlin informed her.

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

Roxy took a deep breath. “I will still smell better than you at least,” she told Harry.

“I have no doubt,” Harry bowed his head. “I have done what I could. There is an empty house, no one will notice us arriving or departing from it. We need rest tonight. Including you, Merlin, no running the wilds tonight.”

“You cage me?”

“I do.”

Roxy thought that foolish. “He can roam, can he not?”

“A bounty on every wolf caught near the keep. It is substantial and not worth the risk.”

Merlin appeared resigned and they drove into Ross.

Roxy looked around. It seemed oddly small, though it was a bustling city. After the wilds and everything she had seen it just felt confining. They went to the house and unpacked what they needed. Merlin took over a room upstairs and she told Harry of everything that transpired. He let her know his plan and his back up plans and the back up to those. “I did manage to place a sword and bow hidden in the court,” Harry said.

“My crossbow?”

“The longbow, easier to conceal,” Harry explained.

“Of course,” Roxy groaned. “The sword will be well met when I kill Charlie.”

“To kill in battle is one thing, as is to save those around you. But you are ready to commit murder. Are you actually ready?”

“I guess we will find out on the morrow,” Roxy answered him and stared into the flames and hoped to see her future.

But there was nothing to see, it was just fire.

Tomorrow they met their fate, no matter what it held.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am really proud of how this story turned out, thank you so much for reading

The dawn came too quickly for Roxy’s liking. She could hear Merlin and Harry prepping weapons. Preparing themselves. She dressed in a simple shirt and breeches and broke her fast with a piece of bread. She was quiet, had nothing to say. Too much depended on her, and words were trapped in her throat.

Merlin came and sat across from her and she could not look him in the eye. “What if I fail you?” she whispered. “Too much rests on me.” She tried to stop her hands from shaking. “I am a poor soldier, that I fear like this.”

She saw Merlin’s hand reach out and thought he was going to comfort her, but he held it in the air. It was steady as a rock. “That does not help me,” she said. He took her hand and placed it on top of his. 

“Breathe with me,” Merlin told her. Roxy matched her breath to his, rested her fingers on his palm. They slowly steadied and when he took his hand away her tremble was gone.

“Can you come with me, keep me calm?” Roxy asked.

“No.”

Roxy laughed a little. “I appreciate the bluntness.”

“Roxy, I will tell you what I told my soldiers before battle, because that is what this.” Roxy waited for something profound that would fill her heart with courage, that would see her through what is to come. “Do your job.”

Roxy blinked, “That is it?” She looked to Harry, “Really?”

“It is what he always said,” Harry answered, “I occasionally added a luck in battle or some such, but in the end that is all we can do, isn’t it? Our job or die trying.”

This simplicity of it was more comforting than she expected when she let it sink into her. “Do my job. Go through the caves, and up the drain holes. Disguise myself and when the bells ring 10, make sure the doors open. Do not kill Charlie until I have the doors open.”

“Lass, you do not need the weight of murder on your soul,” Merlin said. “Let us take care of him for you.”

Roxy felt her whole body freeze. “He is a traitor, a killer, and a bad captain; I will see him pay for these crimes.”

“The line between vengeance and justice is a slim one,” Merlin pointed out.

“And do you not walk that line today as well? We will all face our end square on, knowing no matter what word we use, our actions were right.” Roxy looked at him and gave a faint smirk, “Do your job, Captain.”

“I will,” he answered.

“It is time, Roxy, the tides will be right,” Harry told her. Roxy took the cloak and bag he offered and she stood straight. She saluted Merlin.

“It is my honour to serve you, Captain,” she told him and he gave a tip of his head. She looked at Harry, “Try not to lose the other eye.”

“Try not to get completely covered in shit.” 

Roxy laughed and as she walked by, she brushed her hand lightly against him, just for the connection and then she went into Ross. She knew better than to run but still moved quickly and was grateful that she knew of back alleys and that the cloak Harry gave her was enchanted enough she was going unnoticed. She made it to the cliffs and went down on of the very small paths to the openings under Ross. Tide was low and it was easy to walk into the caves but soon the light grew dimmer and she opened the satchel that Harry had given her. Inside was a torch and she lit the soaked rag with the flint he provided. Roxy had always had a head for maps and distance and others had marked the caverns; she had just been too desperate on her exit to notice. Deeper in the clean smell of sea lessened as the refuse smell grew. She looked up and saw she was at the grate she had escaped through.

If they failed, they would be lucky to end up back there. It would be public torture and death to be sure. But she would do the job. She went deeper into the caves and veered right, hoping that she was correct. She jumped back as a stream of shit and piss fell from one of the garderobes and looked up. It should take her close enough to where she needed to be, and looked to be just wide enough for her. The only other item in the satchel was a length of rope with a hook attached. It took half a dozen tries before she found purchase but then began to slowly climb. Her hands were on fire, the rope rough but every time she slipped a little she pulled herself upwards harder than before. 

The smell was vile and the fit almost too snug but she emerged into the main keep. Roxy stripped off the clothes she was in and looked in the hall. She darted across the way but it was an office, no clothes to be had. She could hear noise in the hall, a bit of a clang. A soldier making rounds she hoped. Roxy waited until the sound passed by the door and took a glance. Luck was perhaps on their side because it was a soldier and only a little taller and larger than her. Roxy ran and hopped onto his back and wrapped an arm around his neck and threw them both to the ground. It was more racket than she hoped for but he was quickly knocked out. 

Roxy dragged him back to the office and took his uniform and sword and tied him up, gagged him. She then walked through the keep slowly making her way to court. “Hold the door,” she called out in a low voice. “Rounds took longer than I thought.”

“Problems?”

“Save me from women who think they saw a mouse,” she said and the other guard laughed. He gestured and Roxy went through the side door that was then locked. “All of them shut?”

“Aye,” the guard agreed. “King has been frightful the last few days. Talked of demons coming, he even mentioned Merlin but the Captain has been dead for years. Talk of poison there is, addled his mind.” The guard blinked and paled, “Shit, don’t tell Heskith, I spoke out of order. Just tired been on double shift, with little break.”

“That was me two days ago. Listen I’m an extra body, where were you stationed? I’ll take over and you have your ease back here.”

“I shouldn’t,” he said and yawned. “But I’m no good right now. West wall, third window.”

“On it,” she told him and made her way over to the window. It took her about half the length to the main door that she had to open. She glanced around and could see the weapons that Harry had placed. She started to move when the bell for court rang and the procession began. Everyone bowed their head as King entered the room and Charlie was there next to him. Wearing one of her uncle’s medals on his chest. For a moment she saw red and wanted to draw her sword, ignoring the bow men in the balcony. Surely God would protect in this duty, in ending his life.

But she held herself steady and when King began what was clearly going to be a long speech, Roxy began to move towards the door. She had to be careful, but luckily the guard were wearing their formal hats and it hid a good bit of her face. There were three guards and members of council, those who were defendants, scribes, and a few others. Roxy knew she was running short on time to open the door. 

She had to still when Charlie scanned the crowd. Roxy wondered what King had seen, but Harry had said the future could be read but it was hard to do so, it was so changeable. Every time Charlie’s gaze was elsewhere she stepped lightly. There was only one guard at the door, and worst case she could kill him and fling it open.

Close, so very close and then she realized the guard blocking her way, the last hurdle was her uncle. She approached. “Sir,” she said.

“Soldier you do not man your post? That is twenty lashes,” he said.

“Twenty my arse,” she said, “It’s chamber pot duty for a week.”

“Change in rules under Heskith. He believes the former captain had been too generous.”

Roxy snorted, “tell that to the bucket of grain I carried up the steps.” She froze and prayed he would not press. She felt Percival’s gaze on her, that intense stare that had witnessed all her triumphs and failures.

“You are too young to have known the Captain.”

“Not so young,” she tried. “Clearly, if I know the Captain.”

“Knew,” Percival replied. “He is dead. May he rest in peace.”

“He will find his peace soon,” she replied. She took a chance and met his gaze. He was seasoned enough not to react. “I need to open this door, Uncle.”

“The Duke fears for his life and has ordered it shut. Do you know that he is safe?”

Roxy shook her head, “No, opening that door will likely lead to his end, and I have to open it.”

“You commit murder?”

“I commit justice.”

“Percival, what occurs there?” Charlie shouted out.

“A guard arguing against their duty, I have it handled, Captain.”

“He was the one to kill Uncle James,” Roxy said. “Pushed him onto Merlin’s sword. I couldn’t save him. But I will bring his murderer to justice. Let me open this door.”

“My dear, let us go forward, and present you,” Percival begged. “Let us end this properly, in accordance with the law.”

“There is no law found in here today,” she told him and tried to push by him. But he would not budge. “Please, trust me in this.”

“What goes on there, is it so important to hold up court?” Charlie shouted and stepped down from the dais.

“Sir, just a minor disagreement,” Percival said and put his hand on Roxy’s shoulder. “My dear, we can get this sorted.”

Roxy looked out a window; the sun was not yet shadowed, she thought but it was hard to tell through the stained glass. She pulled her sword and her uncle stepped back in shock. She heaved it at the nearest window and it broke the glass. The whole room cried out.

“You dare desecrate the seat of court?” King shouted out.

Roxy took off the hat. “I dare many things today. I declare you a false ruler King, a traitor to the seat you hold. A murderer, a practitioner of witchcraft, and a liar. I committed no crime other than overhear that Captain Merlin did not die in battle but was imprisoned by you for daring to fall in love with whom you desired. You are a weak, pathetic man, and your cruelty ends today.”

“Seize her!” King roared and Charlie and the other guards came running.

“Forgive me,” she said and pushed Percival hard and pushed up the wood barring the door. It was heavy, but she put her shoulder into it and had it off. She kicked at the door just as two guards pulled at her arms and though she fought dragged her across the hall. They pushed her to Charlie’s feet.

“This was your grand plan?” Charlie sneered. 

“No,” she said and smiled up at him. “It was Harry’s.”

The front doors blew open and Merlin rode into the hall on his steed, sword in hand. Harry walked beside him. Both were in their full uniforms of old. She heard more that one prayer called out at seeing such ghosts.

“Demons!” King screamed, “Kill them.”

The younger guards, those under Charlie pressed and arrows flew down from above, but their shields easily blocked them. There was a cry in the air and the hawk flew in through the window and clawed at the face of one of the archers before disappearing back out. Roxy punched Charlie in the crotch and ran for where she knew the sword was placed. She fought next to Harry and they made sure that Merlin was able to press forward to King. They did their best not to kill but a few of the soldiers fell to their weapons.

“Merlin, the time approaches,” Harry called and looked out the window. Roxy watched Merlin dismount his horse and immediately moved to his back.

Charlie saw her and stopped his approach. “You think you can take me? I beat you handily before.”

“I will deal with you after,” Roxy said.

“I invoke the right of trial by combat!” Charlie roared.

“After, I will happily kill you,” Roxy said.

“After what?” Charlie demanded. “Face me now, or show yourself as the coward you are.”

“Roxy, we do not have the time for all this. He is in the way,” Harry snapped. “End it.”

“I have to guard Merlin’s back, that matters more than my vengeance,” Roxy said unthinkingly and realized it to be true. Her compatriots that lived and faced this moment mattered more than Uncle James, and he would be the first to agree with that.

“Pathetic,” Charlie sneered.

“No that mantle belongs solely to you, you whelp.” Harry’s sword almost glowed in his hand, but it was easily a trick of the sun that shone in through the window Roxy broke. A soldier approached and Roxy attacked him, fended him off as Merlin moved towards King. She would have loved to watch Harry destroy Charlie, but there was no time, the one against her was good. But she kept Merlin safe and managed to crash the soldier’s head against the wall. 

She looked over and saw Harry swing his sword wide and Charlie fell for the trap. When he moved in to gut Harry, Harry twisted and pushed a dagger into Charlie’s heart. Roxy would happily tell God she enjoyed the look of shock on Charlie’s face as life slipped from his grasp. Roxy and Harry stood next to Merlin and waited.

“King,” Merlin said. “You look scared.”

“You have come to assassinate me,” King replied. “Fear is a reasonable response.”

“No, you will live King,” Merlin told him and that surprised Roxy. “Because even now, he has compassion for you who tortured him. Even now he would have no death on his hands. You thought you would break us. You asked how long love could last under the curse you attached to us. I tell you this Duke - it would last forever. It will last forever.”

The room darkened a little, and Roxy started to turn her head. “Don’t look, it is cursed to gaze directly at the heaven’s realigning themselves,” Harry said. 

Roxy moved her gaze to King who looked disgusted. “You betrayed me,” King glared at Merlin.

“I fell in love,” Merlin replied. There was a murmur in the hall at this, for everyone had known the captain to be a solitary man. “I fell in love with your scribe, Eggsy Unwin. A lad ye lusted after.”

“I loved him, I would have given him the world, kept him in luxuries and wanting for nothing,” King hissed.

“I didn’t want the world, I didn’t want to be kept,” Eggsy called out and Roxy turned. She could feel Merlin grow tense but he did not look back. Roxy wondered if it was because a soldier did not take his gaze off his adversary, or because he was frightened to look.

“He is real,” Roxy whispered but Merlin still did not turn his gaze. She saw Harry gesture and she moved to the side ready to attack, but the whole court was so stunned, there would be no move on them at the moment. She could see the damn longbow hidden between a pillar and a chest and was relieved it had not been required. Roxy watched Eggsy move slowly and steadily forward.

“Eggsy, my boy,” Chester began.

“No,” Eggsy replied. “I am not your boy, you never loved me. You wanted to keep me, a pet, a show piece. Something. You never stared at me the way he did. You wanted me to be flattered by you, in awe of you. Do you know what Merlin wanted of me? My heart nothing more. And it is his until the day I die.”

“Look at him, King,” Harry said in a deep voice that shook the very hall. “Look at Eggsy!” Chester could do nothing but, Roxy realized. “Look at the Merlin, the true captain of the guard. Look at the man you betrayed.” Chester would not move his gaze and Harry moved over and held a blade to his throat. Chester’s eyes went to Merlin. “Look at them together and see that the heaven’s have repaired the curse you laid at their feet.” Chester closed his eyes.

“Damn you, you coward, look at them. Look at the face of love, look at what God blessed the world with, that you can never feel.” Roxy called out. “Look at them!” Her and Harry’s voices echoed together, the words hung palpably in the air. Chester opened his eyes and it felt like the room changed. A weight gone.

Eggsy still didn’t quite look at Merlin but moved forward, a breath away from King. “You were sure I’d come back, weeping, offering you whatever you wanted to free me. I want you to know I never would have. Because every day I was cursed, if it went into decades, if it went until my end would be better than even an hour of being yours. I am his, and you have nothing. You are nothing. And Lucifer will dance a jig when you fall before him.” Eggsy leaned in and kissed King’s cheek. “I will never spare a thought for you ever again.”

Harry stepped away from King who fell to his knees and began to weep. 

Eggsy turned and Roxy gasped at the look on his face when he properly saw Merlin. It was what true happiness was and it was somehow heartbreaking. “Merlin,” Eggsy said and began to walk forward. “Merlin,” he repeated and Roxy could swear he still had a bit of flight to him, because it seemed if he was in Merlin’s arms in an instant.

Merlin had clearly forgotten that King existed, that the world existed. “Eggsy, my heart,” he said, he wept, and held him close.

“You will not defeat me!” King roared and his cry sent Harry flying and he began to cast another curse as the eclipse began to wane.

Roxy did not think, her limbs moved on their own and the longbow was in her hands, arrow docked. She screamed as she pulled, the draw ripping open her shoulder again, but Merlin had told her, taught her, you go past your pain to protect those at your side. To be a Kingsman. It wasn’t a full draw but it was enough. Her arrow flew and strong enough that it pierced King’s throat, sent him back, pinned him to his seat. There was a gurgle and then he was clearly gone. “Rot in hell,” she muttered and pressed her hand to her shoulder. Blood came away. “Bugger,” she cursed.

“Undo all my good work, just to save the day and their lives?” Harry said coming over to her. “Are you planning to become the most dramatic of all of us?”

“I think you mean heroic,” she told him. “Heroic is the word you are looking for. You are just confused because it has never applied to you.”

“I think you both need to offer me a great deal of explanation,” Percival told them. “I seem to be the senior member of the guard, and there are many questions that must be answered.”

There was a cry from Merlin and they all turned to look. He had Eggsy up in the air and looked at him with a joy and a passion that could never be explained. Roxy sighed when Eggsy cupped Merlin’s face and they kissed for the first time in years.

“In a moment, Uncle,” she told him. “Love needs a moment first.”

“It will have all it needs from now on. Until their dying day,” Harry said.

Roxy smiled and did not try to hide her tears at the way Eggsy laughed as Merlin spun him around the room. They just kept saying each other’s names like they were the most perfect words in the whole of language. “This is what the bards sing of,” she said. “I never saw the point in it. But then I saw them and I understood.” She could not move her gaze away from them and their perfect happiness.   
  


_ 6 months later _

Roxy had been sure they would be at the keep in the north, but it was a pile of rubble, not hint of occupancy. She walked around but there was nothing. She sat on a rock and thought. They had to be somewhere. The three of them had left shortly after the explanations of everything that had happened had been given. Merlin had indeed turned down the offer to return to being captain and in the night they just disappeared. Roxy had joined the guard and trained and it was everything she had ever dreamed. 

And after everything she had been through she hated and chafed at every second of it. When she was offered a spot on the wall guard, she smiled and hugged her uncle who was the captain now and told him she loved him desperately. It was her turn to disappear in the night.

It was difficult to make a grand entrance when no one was there. She sat there and tried to think. Something caught her eye by where the weapons shed had been. She went over and carved into the rock was a wing and it pointed north east. Roxy knew it had not been there before. She set along a barely trod path.

It was another month before she found the manor house nestled among the trees at the base of a hill. It was lovely, almost a dream. As she approached there was a wall and gates that if you were the fanciful sort looked like hawk wings with the profile of a wolf in the middle. But she was not the fanciful sort and they were just gates. They opened easily to her touch and she approached the house. Roxy would have knocked but heard a noise and went to investigate.

“Oh lord, what are they doing?” she said aloud. It looked like a scene from a tapestry, from a play, when you wanted to show perfect bliss.

“Reading poetry,” Harry said and came next to her. Roxy watched as Merlin leaned against a tree, and Eggsy against him. His arms were around Eggsy and Eggsy was clearly dozing as Merlin read from the book that he was holding in front of Eggsy.

“Is it a day of rest for them?”

“They do this every day. Picnics in the grass, poetry reading. All this unbearable happiness and love. What took you so long to get here, I’ve been waiting for rescue for three months.”

“I thought I wanted to be a soldier, takes awhile to shake off the plans you have made for your whole life. Also you left me shite clues, you bastard. Lost the path twice.”

“They were fine clues if one is the clever sort.” Harry made a sound of disgust as Merlin and Eggsy began to kiss. “Just because they were parted for years, doesn’t mean I should have to see this all the time. There is singing Roxy.”

“No court in the land would convict you if you murdered them in their sleep.” Roxy joked, knowing that the complaints were all for show and that Harry was almost as happy at their returned love as they were.

“I have you to bother now. How long do you visit?” 

Roxy thought Harry’s tone over casual. “I know not, I wasn’t sure of my welcome.”

“If they could tear their gaze from each other, I am sure you would be made very welcome.”

“And will you not welcome me?” Roxy asked.

“Only if you stay and save me from true love.”

“I have no intentions of leaving unless we all do. Shall we go to the other side of the house, so I can show you all I learned and put you on your arse?”

“You are welcome to try. I’ll take you to the weapons shed. I have no doubt I have much ill training to break you of.” 

They started to walk away and Roxy glanced back to Merlin and Eggsy. They both were looking at her and smiling. She gave a small wave and they went back to their contentment. “Do you really need to be saved from love, Harry?”

“No,” Harry gave her a fond look, “I do not wish to be saved from it, so long as it is a different sort from theirs.” 

Roxy could understand that sentiment. “Come along old man, I’ll help you to bed after I soundly defeat you.” Her grin was wicked and content; she was home. The sword he handed her fit her hand well and they moved towards a clearing.

A last glance back, showed the sun caressing them as Merlin and Eggsy shared a soft kiss. “Love saved them,” she said.

“It saves us all,” Harry replied and there was no other warning as his sword swung at her. They shared a look of amusement and promise as they began their battle, swords clashing in the quiet air as Merlin and Eggsy held each other, asleep under the tree.


End file.
